TM-7 manual in PDF format
Contents
1. TM 7 SCROTUM SMASHER by Dave Lovelace owner s manual ver 1 0 copyright 2007 METASONIX all rights reserved READ THIS DAMMIT CAUTION to reduce the risk of electrical shock do not remove the bottom cover h TA METASONIXI A Y HIGH VOLTAGE INSIDE No user serviceable parts inside Refer servicing to qualified service personnel ARNING to reduce the risk of fire or electrical shock do not expose the TM 7 to rain or moisture DO NOT STICK IT UP YOUR BUTT It won t fit DETAILED SAFETY INSTRUCTIONS All the safety and operation instructions must be read before the TM 7 is operated If you don t read and HEED them you are a MORON and you deserve to have your PENIS AMPUTATED RETAIN INSTRUCTIONS The safety and operating instructions should be retained for future reference HEED WARNINGS All warnings on the TM 7 and in the operating instructions should be adhered to FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS All operating instructions should be followed WATER AND MOISTURE The TM 7 should not be used near water e g near a bathtub washbowl kitchen sink laundry tub in a wet basement near a swimming pool etc ya stupid bastard Care should be taken so that liquids are not spilled onto or near the enclosure VENTILATION AND COOLING The TM 7 normally operates warm to the touch It MUST be situated so that its location or position does not interfere with convective cooling The TM 7 MUST NOT be used on a bed sofa rug or simi2. and for one would welcome you as my liege Now if you ll excuse me will now plug the TM 7 into the Wretch S 1000 as originally promised earlier in the manual Editor s note the remainder of Dave s text was an incoherent mess It can only be assumed that his efforts were a success For further insight into these experiences Dave can be reached at St Anne s Home for the Mentally Raped Woonsocket RI Retarded Animal Babies Cartoons 2007 David C Lovelace all right reserved Thanx man Check out Dave s horrendously offensive animations at umnop com text is copyright 2007 Metasonix All rights reserved It is a violation of federal law to reproduce reuse or duplicate this publication without the express written permission of Metasonix or its assigned representative Oh you want to FIX it You say you want a SCHEMATIC 2 Oh that s PRICELESS Contact us at METASONIX PMB 109 881 1 ytth Street Lakeport CA 95453 707 263 5343 synth metasonix com We ll arrange for repair while refusing to give you a schematic The circuit of this bastard thing is so embarrassing we didn t write it down anyway
3. now Keep the Scrotum turned up set Mega Scrotum about halfway turn off the BN6 and turn down Scrotum Up Ya Ass all the way Ready Now switch Double Scrotum to Teabag Hear that pleasantly awful synthy bass hum That s you dude You re teabagging the universe right now and it is opening up a supple moist rift for you to probe Be careful because it could turn into a gaping maw full of teeth to clamp down on your nads harder than an insane nun with monkey like strength OK get ready for some good time penetration You don t even have to hold down any notes or nuthin Just turn up the Scrotum Up Ya Ass knob No universe fuck ever felt quite as good as when your nutsack is inverted four dimensionally and shoved into your own willing anus You will become Klein s theoretical paradox decanter perpetually pouring semen into itself It gets better Playing tones through the unit while adjusting how far Up Ya Ass you re going will instigate a galactic battle between your tone and the TM 7 s self generating one causing some rudimentary sync modulations and generally pleasant unpleasantness Incidentally additionally adjusting Mega Scrotum has the general metaphorical effect of semen regulation Give it a try In the following chart also depicted conveniently in microscopic size on the front of the unit you will learn everything else you need to know about both the TM 7 and the rest of the cosmos as well as luck would have i
4. signal processor pedal have been chosen simply because we are secret lovers That is to say we both have a secret love of unusual noises and of needlessly complex systematic methods to deliver those noises to your brain to try and interpret contextually metaphysically and poopulogicalliciously more on that later or more likely not have also been chosen because Eric feels my past accomplishments both professional and unprofessional have earned me the right to take you people on this peculiar journey have a needlessly complex mind having designed RPS 101 which is a 101 gesture version of Rock Paper Scissors playable on my homepage at www umop com also have a very foul mind having animated the Retarded Animal Babies series on Newgrounds com some the characters of which can be seen right on the front of your TM 7 But most importantly of all have been divorced as recently as last year so truly have a keen insight when it comes to Scrotum Smashing One of the perks of my task was the receipt of an autographed TM 7 prototype It is serial 2 which is perfect because to the uninitiated it can tend to sound like 2 but don t don t worry that s what this manual will fix or perhaps simply enhance was a bit disappointed that the autograph was Eric s and not somebody more important like perhaps Bruce Willis but all the same it s neat having somebody write shit all over your priceless equipment with a Sharpie and
5. 7 is capable of damaging some types of solid state audio equipment such use is entirely at the risk of the user METASONIX does not guarantee that any of its products are designed for any particular use or purpose The entire risk of suitability and performance of this product lies with the user Products manufactured and or sold by METASONIX are not authorized for use as critical components in devices used in life support and other systems whose failure or performance could result in compromised safety or danger to life or property Don t perform surgery with a TM 7 It has no healing magic Did we mention the DANGEROUS HIGH VOLTAGES inside the TM 7 DO NOT OPEN THE TM 7 unless you re a service technician NOTE All sales are FINAL especially custom designs Only a Metasonix authorized dealer is permitted to return products to Metasonix for a refund or exchange WHAT IT DOES The TM 7 is basically a mean angry preamp made of three vacuum tubes Plus a feedback loop which makes the preamp unstable The first tube is a 6AK5 It was used as an IF amplifier in military radios and suchlike We use it as a preamp a BAD preamp The SCROTUM knob controls input volume No you can t turn it fully down This is intentional because it interacts with the DOUBLE SCROTUM switch Turning down the input won t silence the awful noise and oscillation Ha ha ha Then the signal goes through ANOTHER 6AK5 The MEGA SCROTUM knob affects its gain So MEG
6. A SCROTUM is basically a drive control MEGA SCROTUM may be turned fully down if you wish it may or MAY NOT fully silence the TM 7 Finally we have a 6BN6 tube It was used as an FM modulation detector in cheap FM radios You re not supposed to use it for audio But it has a neat effect when overdriven it sounds like a push pull guitar amp driven deep into saturation You can affect the saturation with the SCROTUM UP YOU ASS knob The DOUBLE SCROTUM switch inserts a FEEDBACK loop in the circuit It s just an awful awful thing You ll find out The SMASH switch selects the output desired down and you get the output of the second tube Up gives the output of the third 6BN6 tube If you want maximum saturation flip it UP If you flip both DOUBLE SCROTUM and SMASH up you ll get even worse distortion We are MOCKING you NOTE The TM 7 outputs are divided down so they are more compatible with solid state devices than our previous TX series pedals But it might still damage some cheap ass audio devices Also do us a favor DON T WHINE AT US THAT IT HUMS WE DON T CARE TO HEAR ABOUT HOW DISTURBING THE HUM IS TO YOUR HOLINESS IT HUMS BECAUSE IT HAS LOADS OF GAIN THAT S WHAT PEOPLE KEEP ASKING FOR MORE GAINI And because you re trying to use it with a high gain guitar amp which IS NOT RECOMMENDED Use the TM 7 into a line level mixer or am lease Plug it into a guitar amp input AT YOUR OWN RISK Because of the constru
7. a robust quaint little distorted process Adjusting the Mega Scrotum knob will turn the volume up and down Bet you didn t think this manual would actually have any useful information in it now did you God damn you and your doubting heart Now then are you ready for the smelliest sound you ever saw Smash the BN6 on You will rip open an aperture to Gehenna and unleash at least a dozen 16 hit dice frost demons Roll initiative on a 12 sider Elves dwarves and halflings must Save vs Stench Madness due to their acute senses SNARK Hey where am I blacked out for a minute there EXPERIMENT 3 Distortion brightness control Keep your current Scrotum and Double Scrotum settings leave that BN6 turned on and turn up both Mega Scrotum and Scrotum Up Ya Ass You might notice a loud hiss possibly filtered by a hypnotic pulsation Not to worry the TM 7 is supposed to do this It is merely tuned in to the rhythm of your fading pulse What I d like to dare you to try now is to adjust the Scrotum Up Ya Ass knob upsy downsy Unbelievably you are now performing another actual useful task distortion tone modification Because it s all about tone for so many fucking jackoffs isn t it All we ever hear about is finding the perfect TONE man Well hopefully this will go a long way towards shutting the yaps of those tards EXPERIMENT 4 Rip open the time space continuum and fuck it like it s your sister Ready for some real fun
8. ction techniques required the TM 7 cannot be kicked around like a fuzzbox You WILL BREAK A TUBE if you kick it around assface DON T KICK IT AROUND The TM 7 is for the DISCIPLINED intelligent non risk averse musician It is NOT SUITABLE for stoned guitar morons Suck it Dimebag fans HOW TO USE IT First you must attach the AC adapter to the jack on the end panel You CANNOT use just any other adapter The TM 7 needs 10v to 12v AC power ONLY DC will damage it suckboy You should see the TM 7 s power lamp illuminate If it doesn t it hates you The remainder of this section will be supplied by a guest writer because I just don t feel like doing it The guy who drew all that shit all over your pedal figured out how to use it so hopefully with his help you ll be able to also The usage and applications of those uses of the Metasonix TM 7 Scrotum Smasher have proven to be as variable in form and function as the collective genital architecture of all the streetwalkers in Amsterdam Hi I m David C Lovelace You might know me from such films as Die Hard 2 Die Harder Armageddon Hudson Hawk and Your Penis is a Weapon Use it Mightily were it not for my not having been born Bruce Willis Eric Barbour of Metasonix the fine fellow who has been swearing at you for almost four whole pages now has sent me on a questing mission to deliver to his customers the instructional know how regarding the usage of his latest analog
9. e e g bill or invoice to the authorized Metasonix service center transportation charges prepaid When returning the product for repair please pack it very carefully preferably using the original packaging materials Please also include an explanatory note IMPORTANT To save yourself unnecessary cost and inconvenience please check carefully that you have fully read and followed the instructions in this instruction manual This warranty is in lieu of all other expressed warranties obligations or liabilities ANY IMPLIED WARRANTIES OBLIGATIONS OR LIABILITIES INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE SHALL BE LIMITED IN DURATION TO THE DURATION OF THIS WRITTEN LIMITED WARRANTY Some states do not allow limitations on how long an implied warranty lasts so the above limitations may not apply to you IN NO EVENT SHALL WE BE LIABLE FOR ANY SPECIAL INCIDENTAL OR CONSEQUENTIAL DAMAGES FOR BREACH OF THIS OR ANY OTHER WARRANTY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WHATSOEVER Some states do not allow the exclusion or limitation of special incidental or consequential damages so the above limitation may not apply to you This warranty gives you specific legal rights and you may also have other rights which vary from state to state METASONIX shall not be held liable for any incidental consequential or direct damages or expenses associated with the use or misuse of the TM 7 The audio output of the TM
10. erred to qualified service personnel THIS MEANS YOU STINKY METASONIX LIMITED WARRANTY and standard legal disclaimer Thank you yeah right for purchasing this Metasonix product The following terms and conditions apply 1 Warranty period is for 90 days from date of purchase with proof of purchase submitted Warranty covers electrical failure of vacuum tubes and gas filled tubes except in cases explained in 3 below 2 Operating instructions must be followed This device was intended ONLY for use by AUDIO AND MUSIC PROFESSIONALS IT IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE BY ORDINARY CONSUMERS Product must not have been damaged as a result of defacement misuse abuse neglect accident destruction or alteration of the serial number improper electrical voltages or currents repair alteration or maintenance by any person or party other than our own service facility or an authorized service center use or installation of non Metasonix replacement parts in the product or the use of this product outside of the U S A or Canada or modification of the product in any way or incorporation of the product into any other products or damage to the product caused by accident fire floods lightning or acts of God or any use violative of instructions furnished by Metasonix 3 Obligations of Metasonix shall be limited to repair or replacement with same or similar unit at our option To obtain repairs under this warranty present the product and proof of purchas
11. hat by applying peanut butter see figure 2 to the interior of the pedal via the CV Input see figure 3 that was able to communicate with my dead grandfather about the whereabouts of his porno zoetrope collection Afterwards licking the peanut back out was very rewarding Please note that this might void your warranty assuming Mr Barbour laughably even provided one Figure 2 Peanut butter measuring Figure 3 Applying to CV Input So let s tidy ourselves up mentally and dig into the functional pinkmeats of this jaundiced morsel of techno splendor The actual functionality of an individual knob switch lever and woonsocket for you Rhode Islanders can vary dramatically depending on what everything else is currently set at For example Scrotum Up Ya Ass might have no effect at all unless Double Scrotum is set at a certain point The best way to familiarize yourself with your TM 7 is via tutorials in the hope that you might glean the logic and illogic at play EXPERIMENT 2 Simple actually useful distortion with volume control First plug in a shiny red keyboard note keyboard must be red see figure 4 the way I ve already fucking explained and initially adjust knobs as follows Scrotum all the way up Double Scrotum set to Blue Balls Mega Scrotum about halfway Scrotum Up Ya Ass doesn t matter Smash BN6 off Figure 4 Using a red keyboard in a black and white image Playing a tone will now produce
12. intend to do the same for my own fans once this manual becomes so motherfucking famous Another perk is that got my name stuck pretty high up the list to be able to purchase the coveted Metasonix Wretch S 1000 Vacuum Tube Synthesizer And lo am now armed with the Cthulhu of analog beasts and will have so much more than need to fully demonstrate the power of this new pedal assuming can find the time during my busy schedule of masturbating myself to death But before we dive headlong into that mind raking swirling pit of infinite eye needling let s begin with the basics First reverentially cradle your new TM 7 Scrotum Smasher in your undeserving and hopefully washed palm and observe the nuances of its front panel layout Figure 1 Gently cradling the Metasonix TM 7 WETASON X FMA reed disper ps a E image blurred to recreate realistic drunken euphoric effect on the cradler How to connect devices and whatnot to your pedal and begin the journey that will color your soul a sort of brownish grey forever and ever plug your keyboard guitar electric zither 8 track player or other sound source into where it says Stick It In Connect your mixer or sound recording device to where it says Spew It Out Don t talk to the nice man in the van even though the candy looks perfectly safe How to connect something via the CV Input patch plug cable into CV Input patch Wipe hands on pants EXPERIMENT 1 have noticed t
13. lar surface which may prevent proper cooling It is NOT a toy If the TM 7 is mounted ina rack or other built in installation space must be left around it to allow convection from the case HEAT The TM 7 MUST be situated away from heat sources such as radiators heat registers stoves or other devices including power amps that produce heat POWER SOURCE The TM 7 should be connected to a power supply ONLY of the type described in the operating manual or as marked on the TM 7 DO NOT APPLY DC POWER TO THE TM 7 YOU MORON POWER CORD PROTECTION Power supply cords should be routed so that they are not likely to be walked on or pinched by items placed upon or against them Don t burn your house down shitmonkey CLEANING The TM 7 should only be cleaned with a soft cloth moistened with water Unplug the power supply before attempting to clean NON USE PERIODS The power supply of the TM 7 should be unplugged from the outlet when left unused for a long period of time DAMAGE OR TUBE REPLACEMENT REQUIRING SERVICE The TM 7 should be serviced by qualified service personnel when The power supply or plug has been damaged The TM 7 has been dropped physically damaged or subjected to force Liquid has been spilled onto the TM 7 or it has been exposed to rain The TM 7 does not appear to operate normally or exhibits a marked change in performance SERVICING The user should NOT attempt to service the TM 7 All servicing should be ref
14. t CONSULT THIS Since you re already on your way to sonically terrifying IMPORTANT SHIT everyone within earshot it is now time to explore more it je practical real world applications of the TM 7 EXPERIMENT 5 Acquire wealth You might notice that Metasonix pedals are brick like in girth This is due to the fact that they use good old fashioned components that heat up after a bit of use and take up a lot of room The other thing is that an amply weighted cabinet weeds out a lot of pussies But one of the fringe benefits of this volumetrically advanced enclosure is that it can be used to smash the window of any available liquor store see figure 5 Figure 5 Be sure to wear black gloves for safety s sake As you can probably already guess getting off your ass out of the studio and proceeding forth squintingly into the X outside world armed with your trusty TM 7 at hand you can signal process the perception of yourself to others You can also score some sweet holiday scratch from the coffers of liquor store proprietors allowing you to purchase many more Metasonix products You are now at the event horizon of a massive white hole spouting out more and more possibilities with each successive orbit Keep smashing windows keep acquiring wealth keep purchasing Metasonix products with that wealth to continue the circle with bigger and better heists With a little perseverance anyone could acquire total control of Earth
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