Practical Parenting Notes 2011 Jan in 2002.pub
Contents
1. effective spiritual growth activities you have experienced Your spiritual gift The three highest priorities in your life What would it take to really make you happy If you had the power to change anything about yourself would you use it May ask what you would change F How do you use your free time Ee Basic Semi What is your financial situation T Bpollow Up Cou What previous relationships have you had T If my son daughter married you would he she marry a virgin Do you have any strings from the past Divorce Children STD check Marriage roles of man and woman what are they M ups artt eC Letter writing to the Father and the girl for a while if appropriate Practical Tips on Courting e MA e MA gt y e gt MA SCS MA e SS MA e V Avoid unchaperoned driving and meetings Maintain a healthy routine reasonable waking and sleeping hours 7 8 hours sleep 11 00 PM curfew waiver for special occasions possible Open dialogue regarding what you are thinking planning etc Flee sexual arousal Limit physical contact to greeting and parting hugs and hand holding avoid snuggling etc Maintain family relationships Maintain contributions to household upkeep and if appropriate finances otay spiritually healthy regular personal input from the Bible and prayer regularly attend public worship at a church seek spiritua2. husband s gifts strengths sacrifices and contributions Pray for grace to follow husband s leadership and he will turn the hearts of Pray for husband Malachi 4 6 opie teens gt Thank God for answers as they come ona Ure sean m gt Teach the children to honor their dad Eph 6 2 H a dar nee Praise not criticize Dad in front of children Mal 6 4 Tell them to ask Dad for permission info and help Teach them thankfulness for to their Dad Thanks for going to work for me today Dad gt Don t compare him to other husbands this is the romance story God has called you to He will do his miracles for you as you bring your situation into His presence Psalm 91 1 Is anything too hard for Me Gen 18 14 5 What are the guarantees A God is with you Heb 13 5 I will never leave nor forsake you B God will give you grace ll Cor 12 9 Heb 4 16 grace to help in time of need C God will give you the WILL to do this Phil 2 13 nr IE D You will reap a harvest Gal 6 9 if we faint not Almighty Ps 91 1 E Your husband s heart is in the hand of the Lord Pr 21 1 he can be changed F God will direct you Pb 3 5 acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths G God will be pleased with you He who dwells in the secret Hey Object This isn t fair Why do have to do it all Therefore since Christ suffered in his body arm yourselves also Are you going to disobey God because your husband isn t obeying God with
3. of corruption out of it if he sows in the field of the Spirit he will get from it a harvest of eternal life Galatians 6 7 8 pleasures of lif wi lb ui Ao E Watchirig reading What DIS AN aie Baily hu vy f What giving lifeTor fe RUM Viol o Fun trump pipssing others ds Mu ve Don t give orders you re not willing to enforce Stop that Get away from that Be quiet mean it Come here Sit right here Eat that NOW How come we have well trained pets but out of control children Page 3 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Relationship Builders Dad ls there any breakfast ma available for me Woke meup if Her is Please VA idus Do you feel your love is unappreciated Learn to communicate in your child s love language Page 4 Children follow best for love of you When children work with me instead of for me get a wonderful re Children are treas ward transforming productiveness into delight ure chests from l which we can draw Taking children out to breakfast each week reduces my frustration by joy and love 92 543 Questions for breakfasts with children Are you looking forward to anything Is anything hindering you How are you doing spiritually Am I doing anything that is bothering you Is there something that should be done around the house Is there anything I can do for you
4. old enough to make their own decisions before God some differing from parents However e Parents are responsible before God for how the house honors God they too are old enough to make their own decisions cleansed home atmosphere of home peacefulness and order liness e Therefore when adult children live at home they are obligated to yield to the parent rather than the parent yielding to the child regarding behavior in the home Grateful guests are always welcome Page 13 www ParentingBiblically org Dad s responsibility before God Protect eGuide Provide e Train to work relate to others authority Teach the truth by example and words Discipline Cleansed of evil Video Books Magazines Internet Guests The battles in the home are over who will control the goodies MES teg hae And I tell Eli that I am about to punish his house for ever for the iniquity which he knew because his sons were blaspheming God ie mn ma I Sam 3 13 Chuck and Joanne Bultman Seac Lical Faren tla g Seldom set foot in your neighbor s house lest Being a Gracious Parent to Your Married Children Avoid calling multiple times in a day Proverbs 25 17 he become weary of e Avoid reminding them to be sure not to forget to implying they cannot you and hate you care for themselves or their children helicopter Rb 25217 e Be careful not to steal the affections of the grandch
5. sheets make children feel significant and helpful Daily Schedules help us to stay focused and removes snack demands e What don t check up on and praise they won t continue to do A Practical Guide to Daily Scheduling for Christian Home Schooling Families Managers of Their Chores Energy Givers Wasters and Takers a tool and a self test Energy Givers love Energy Wasters Energy Takers Me ish smiles at eeryone Smiles at friends only Does not smule Obedient serving sadness draws and joyful smiles attention to self seltishness Negative murmurs Listen to them wees a Complacent lacks enthusiastically initiative meets needs before being asked Tissa ana cms o What has What can you do when you realize you ve made mistakes in caused us to drift raising your child apart e You are normal perfect parents have never walked the earth NOT ONE Adam Abraham Isaac Jacob Solomon e Repent accept God s forgiveness then live forgiven e From now on do what He says am the vine and your are the branches he who abides in me and in him the same brings forth much fruit for without me you can do nothing If you abide in Me and My words abide in you you shall ask what you will and it shall be done unto you Jesus Jesus came to set people free John 15 5 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow wi
6. 50 in bank well his own house e Driver s license will probably be attained at age 18 Grandpa or Dad will metus bte erts D in subjection with all do the training gravity l l l l For if a man Remember Rules Minus Relationship Breeds Rebellion know not how to rule his own house how c shall he take care of Obedience presupposes disagreement ino euge co Ey 1 Tim 3 4 If you can t obey me without asking why you won t obey God without asking why Page 8 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Perc ja af Laren tirg What do you think made your children turn out to be so committed to God Oma asked e Sheraya Quiet times each day amp being around people who are excited about God Jeremiah 29 13 e Mindy Daily discussing the connections between what we were living and what God said about it Quiet times The God who speaks e Jodi God did it The consistent commitment to the Bible was part of it Here is the gasoline for e Kitri The time you spent meeting with me each morning of Bible study before Biblical parenting left for school Deuteronomy 6 7 Your child s heart for God Holy Spirit e Chuck Daily Bible time each school morning Quiet times alone singing and empowerment Bible memorization Putting Christianity in shoe leather with Proverbs Our Goal To have a Godly family To have a Godly marriage i ie A D WW Kim pue TH AES
7. Balancing Rules with Relationships Pract eal arena Jesus gave His life for us we must do the same for our children Hereby perceive we the love of God because He laid down his life for us and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren l John 3 16 We love Him because He first loved us 1 John 4 19 e Faith is a belief that what a person says is reliable and a trust in their character Now it 1s required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful l Corinthians 4 2 e Children need to develop a trust in us that we will do what is best for them Your children are not never were and never will be yours e Children are guests in your home placed in your custody by God Himself e Your children are people of God given to you that you might shape them e hey must carry the torch of God when you are dead A proper husband and wife relationship is essential to parenting e Our children s only hope of appeal is that we are submitted to God and the Bible is our final authority e hey need to see that Mom and Dad are people under authority too e They need to see that God s ways work in marriage Children turn away primarily because of poor relationships with Jesus with their parents and with their hopeless future Page 1 www ParentingBiblically org Greater love has no man than this John 15 13 A motor cycle works only if it has gasoline Se So too
8. ES us uM s E i Only the last one works the other two demand a controlling relationship not pilfering but Teaching Character More Stink Removal showing all good faith e Reverence Honoring God His word His day not treating it in jest iie ous e Truthfulness No theft confess breakage etc doctrine of God our e Punctuality The Tapes Time to Eat Going Away Going to Bed SENI n e Cleanliness Personal grooming e Persuasiveness Correct not street language like For even when we e Graciousness Manners at the table Penny Manners game were with you we e Wisdom Love God s word amp good books non fiction preferred Would give you this uu i command If anyone is e Hospitality Sit down and eat together for every meal not willing to work let e Gratitude Eat what is on the table without complaining him not eat 2 Th 3 10 e Responsibility Do your own wash group folding of towels etc e Orderliness Chores room dishes jurisdiction Saturday team work e Deference Don t interrupt adult conversations Mom s especially Page 9 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman P La af arat tirg Organization Disorganization was a major factor in my depression anger frustration inefficiency waste embarrassment lack of hospitality friendlessness and inability to help others Joanne Teach children to use priority to do lists Jurisdictions and checklist
9. ady to have a family congregation Is he able to be her spiritual leader e Aman who is not prepared to defend his castle is not ready to live in one e Aman who is not ready to be a father is not ready to be a husband Aman who is not ready to provide for his wife is noth ready to receive her comforts Does he have a means to support a wife and family your fishing s he self controlled ae AES KR j license before From Doug Phillips of Vision Forum you drop your line into my lake My Role in dating You are a fisher man My daughter is a lake trout need to check Divorce For I hate divorce says the LORD the God of Israel and covering one s gar ment with violence says the LORD of hosts So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless Malachi 2 16 First Year of Marriage When a man has taken a new wife he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business he shall be free at home one year and bring happi ness to his wife whom he has taken Deuteronomy 24 5 Stay at the same job Don t work excessive hours per week opend lots of time with your new wife to cheer her Page 11 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Possible Questions to Ask Suitors Gradually Events leading up your salvation 9 4 How do you know you are saved How are things different now that you are Current Fellowship Accountability for faith and practice What are the most
10. d oV Are you afraid of anything rea Want to build or remodel anything p Want to go anywhere Is there something you would like to do that might be able to help open doors for you Any problems with other children Are you carrying any guilt We can get rid of it What are some of your best memories Can two walk Want to know anything tesis Unies Sy A weekly date with my wife has made life sooooooo much nicer are agreed can plan on bedtime requests and use that time to read pray and USE talk to a child oex ed can be much easier in the context of God s wisdom in a fallen world Share your fun with children and share your child s fun with them Explore God s creation with them Go camping Reading aloud to each other Teenagers UNE en P M ud f mw y a f ee A T S V cad 1 Words of Affirmation 2 Acts of Service 3 Receiving Gifts 4 Quality Time Learn each other s love 5 Physical Touch language Read The Five Love Language of Teenagers by Gary Chapman www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Fives La af arat tirg And whenever you stand praying if you have anything against Relationship Breakers anyone forgive him Unkept b l that your Father in ice a Fs deest edet heaven may also forgive e Too tough and not understanding you your trespasses e Public put downs and shaming Jesus Mark 11 25 e Divided Parents not supporting each other in fro
11. ildren by over involvement e Don t try to change your child s directives to their child in front of the grandchild Be careful to apply the parents rules for the grandchildren when at your home food bedtimes media etc maybe ask for waivers e Avoid playing holiday capture the kids demanding expecting attendance at all or most family reunion style holidays e Avoid regularly giving gifts to grandchildren that are so expensive that their par ents can t compete for lack of funds e Avoid trying to control your married children by whatever creative means you may have dreamed up e Don t take up sides against either spouse if at all possible Grand Parenting Only take heed to yourself and diligently keep yourself lest you forget the things your eyes have seen and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life And teach them to your children and your grandchildren Deut 4 9 e Give yourself to the grandchildren by inviting them to work with you Playing at their level is nice but letting them be your helper is better e Read to them encouragement to follow the Lord Tell them funny or encouraging stories about their parents no put down sto ries Take them on trips Teach them how things work Teach them skills or academics or apprentice or crafts Teach them how to do things to do what you like to do Listen to them Enjoy nature with them Be there for them
12. lly significant relationships with others ministry to others mentoring Keep the parents informed about your life schedule activities meetings and when you will be together Page 12 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Why One in Marriage But did He not make them one Having a remnant of the Spirit And why one He seeks godly offspring Therefore take heed to your spirit And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth Malachi 2 15 I A E s Family Roles Dad Love God with al his heart soul and mind Love his wife Love his children Resist evil in his home Cleansing his home Teach character to all members oet the course purpose of the family Define and delegate jurisdictions Know the Condition of and feed the flock Oversee family finances and pay the bills Eph 5 I Peter 3 7 Mal 4 6 Ps 101 7 Ps 101 3 Peter 5 2 3 Mom Love honor and submit to leadership of husband Eph 5 22 24 Work out and carry out the daily details of the above Demonstrate Godly relationship to authority Nurture the children and teach them godly character Teach children to honor God and their father Help husband to be successful Home for hospitality and for healing Facilitate family outreach Child e Getto know and love God develop Godly character e Honor parents Eph 5 Col 3 20 e Contribute to the running of the home Th 3 1 Adult Children in the home They are
13. n tirg Why Rules God gave us guidelines in the Bible because He knows how we work OD eret ero and what is best for us such an heart in them that they would fear me and keep all my commandments User s Manual User s Manual always that it might Chevy Express Van Human Race be well with them and with their chil dren for ever Deut 5 29 by the Manufacturer by the Manufacturer Some of our Rules Tools Not Legalism Removing the stink making them vessels unto honor e Berespectful to adults e Address adults as Mr Mrs or Miss No first names for parents generation e Expect to work with the family on Saturday e Videos previewed by parents e Ask for stored food e Everyone cleans up after eating Ifa man therefore e Goto bed on time recording song and special medicine S pru u nec these he shall be a ves e Get up BY YOURSELF when your alarm goes off sel unto honor sancti e Properly dressed at all times J 3 fied and meet for the e No half way points master s use and pre e Only use given names for others name calling no way E pared unto every good work e Goto church on Sunday 2 Tim 2 21 e Dress up for church When older e No contemporary secular music played in the home e Get permission before committing to go somewhere e Forget having a romantic relationship until you are old enough to marry E 2 One that ruleth e Tithe 10 Save
14. nt of the children e Not forgiving your spouse What kept us from being one e Ignoring the good child Living inside self built walls Guilt from past sins e Not spending ONE on ONE time with each child Bitterness from past hurts Anger from the frustration of selfishness e Not taking care of their needs e Not helping deal with their fears e Showing favoritism to certain children The Covetousness Contentment Cube 1 Envy vs Gratefulness Covetousness vs Contentment ME Gratefulness Entitlement vs Contributing Vs Sibling Rivalry vs Harmony Envy Comparison vs Encouragement c9 A WN 6 Jealousy vs Sacrificial Love e Always busy with house stuff no tea time with them e Private Music Private TV and Private Internet in the children s bedrooms are foolish Forgiveness between parents and children must be sought Bitterness results from ignoring hurts Anger Resolution Avoid using anger or allow yourself the luxury of displaying it in your family God s righteousness is never served by man s anger James 1 20 Be angry and sin not Ephesians 4 26 God is justly angry we are most often selfishly angry Anger appears to work IT DOES but you get the opposite of what you want f Broken things are easier to replace than Whispering corrective words in their ears works better than calling out across broken relationships the table Reprimanding in priva
15. parenting is only successful if God is working in it My failure to care for Joanne the first year of marriage resulted in years of lost oneness and faulty parenting Charles Bultman Chuck and Joanne Bultman Things used to divide parents and teens Our enemy s goal is to divide and conquer Husband Wife Parents Children Satan s desire is to separate the wisdom of age from the zeal of youth Church Preferences Dating Methods Friends Hair Style Sports Music Videos Internet The Four Wheels of a Happy Family 1 Love 2 Respect Where is the Family 3 Obedience Crown 4 Orderliness A Common Dilemma e Mom becomes overwhelmed and manipulated e Dad comes home a dictator e Mom protects the children from Dad s discipline they are not one and thus trains the children to obey only when Mom agrees with Dad s rules she has trained them to obey only the rules they like e Dad loses the child s heart They are not walking together Rules without a loving relationship breed rebellion Isn t that true of their relationship with God too Result e Let me out of here to where there are no giant messes no screaming fights and to where someone really cares about me e Your child is now easy prey for any offer of love from non Christian sources e Evolution often becomes their excuse for rejecting the rules of their par ents and the God their
16. parents represent Relationship Index 4 6 What is your Relationship Index Your relationship index consists of the number of bacpats acts of encouragement and praise minus the number of yeldats negative remarks or actions Getting to the heart Books we recommend Page 2 www ParentingBiblically org e Shepherding a Child s Heart Tripp e Romancing your Child s Heart Swan e No Greater Joy I Il III Pearl e To Train up a Child Pearl Chuck and Joanne Bultman Seac Lical Laren tirg Basic Parenting Rule Wipe that GO D look off your face Your word must be L 1 Commands Don t give any orders you are not willing to enforce or cannot enforce wonder if g I will get away with 2 Consistency Mom and Dad both enforce SQ it Hs ies every command Inconsistency breeds insecurity and invites testing of each order 3 Consequences There must be undesirable results for disobeying parents e Teach warn once to make sure they understood re teach then discipline if the offence is repeated no more warn ings EVER e Once we unintentionally teach our children that commands can be disregarded they will also disregard God s commands e Enforcing commands is HARD WORK but worth every minute of it Where are you sowing Don t delude yourself into thinking God can be cheated where a man sows there he reaps If he sows in the field of self indulgence he will get a harvest
17. te gets better results Girls are best not talked to at certain times This is a chemistry day let s talk tomorrow Page 5 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Seac Lical Laren tirg Anger Resolution e If emotions rise during the discussion hang up the phone and call back later when you have a better con nection e Getting kids to tell ME what they did is better than me telling THEM what they did E Don t tell If we confess our sins I John 1 9 1 THEM what to do I only help with homework when it s fun for Logical Learning Tell them ME does not take place what YOU in an emotion wd c do e While it is important to acknowledge wrong Avago na in the day you hear of it it is better not to de cide consequences for a day or two Pll get back to you on this try not to worry about it Anger is an alarm that goes off when We are discipling our children MOM Passing the baton Let s follow the Master together eR ra eee a a rights e Don t expect them to be better than we are A disciple when he is fully trained will be just like his master Luke 6 40 You are the target and the cork in your child life He who covers his sin will not prosper he who confesses and renounces them will find mercy Proverbs 28 13 Either clean up your own mess self marriage or learn to cope with the junk e Discipling happens onl
18. th For Hope People need to realize hope by the power of e They need energy from outside of themselves the Holy Spirit e God wants them to come to the point of helplessness willing to de Bond pend on Him e his is the HOPE which we have as His For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose Page 10 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Seac Lical Laren tirg When is a girl ready to pursue a relationship The Purity Ring e When she is trusting God to work through their authorities Pb 21 1 E e God is working through my Dad and Mom to c o MO 3 660 1 guide me will listen and obey ly D Tumman make a e God is working through my employer Covenant 40 Lad and mY teacher to shape my life will respond Fuurt vioscor 40 Weep e When she demonstrates meeting the needs of PUBL sennlly pure unit others spontaneously Cor 13 1 7 MU wedding mg tuar e When she is grateful to those who have invested in her wS arg a a symbol Oe e When she cares for the spiritual well being of others Pok Nan anda gh 7 e When she volunteers to help around the house T9 my husband on e GO WE oru When is a guy ready to pursue a relationship 300 18 nu glory eb Fen e A man who has no direction is not ready to be followed Does he have a _ fale D Bubwan purpose in life e Aman who is not ready to be a family priest is not re
19. the same attitude because Suffering is part of being a Christian in this fallen world Peter 4 1 2 in e in his body is done with sin It is your suffering for doing good that is pleasing to God Peter 2 20 ea cecil ne iocenot vedic A quiet and gentle spirit is required it may lead to his conversion rest of his earthly life for evil In the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are human desires but rather for the disobedient to the word they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they will of God I Peter 4 1 2 observe your chaste and respectful behavior Peter 3 1 2 Are you more spiritual than your husband do you have more faith are you more gifted more devoted more self controlled Then use all of your superior spiritual ity to follow God s will for you crowning your husband as the head of the family And don t tell me it can t be done my mother did it Pastor Jack McMaster See Peter 4 10 The Real Romance story you are involved in is not between you and your husband it is the romance of you and your savior Jesus Christ Page 15 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman
20. when they are hurting Some Radical Things We Did e Got rid of TV after 5 years of marriage e Vowed to read the Bible a minimum of 5 min a day e Attempted to establish a Biblical family structure e Sought churches that would encourage children in holiness and a passion for God e Home Educated 10 children e Chose to value children having them over things e A major objective of our lives raising Godly children e We cut out solitary or exclusive hobbies replaced with inclusive hobbies e Stayed out of debt except home e Honored Sunday no work no commercial or secular scheduling e We Kissed Dating Goodbye e Gave up the newspaper after 20 years e Gave up most fiction Page 14 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman Seac Lical Faren tla g How Can I Make My Husband Become The Spiritual Leader 1 Realize the spiritual dimension I Cor 10 4 Eph 6 2 See God and His eternal Word to us as the solution Heb 4 12 3 See self as part of the problem The Crazy Circle idea 4 Time for a fresh start A Prayer 1 Surrender to God and His ways 2 Confess sins of anger and unforgiveness and envy 3 Praise to God for His deliverance Ps 50 23 B Crown your husband as king leader gt Embrace God s call to be a wife supporter follower helper encourager he must increase and must decrease gt Ask for wisdom daily to defer honor praise die to self to see
21. y when we are together for significant amounts of time e We want our children to make radical changes in their way of living what are we the parents ready to radically change about our way of living Page 6 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman A 0 no activity 1 no sweat 2 had to fight 3 lost Accountability Sheets are helpful when with other men Job s Covenant have made a covenant with mine eyes why then should look upon a young woman Job 31 1 sales 877 479 1119 support 877 743 1101 e mail R n www cov nteyes com ex F This Connection is Being Monitored by C www CovenantEyes com Take thoughts cap tive to Christ 2 Cor 10 5 PEELE ELE LEE ba AAST E TAAT 49 n 8 bh E 4 4 1 L4 E 4 a EE LET Bu 18 213 Be Bo pe Be EM N F BaT F Babu fT wir Baum tf 213 415 6 7 8 9 fo ft 12 jis 14 I5 fe 17 1819 po p1 p2 ps pa ps pepr papagogt j j You can download a full sized sheet from our website http www parentingbiblically org practical p resources html YOU Teach Yes YOU And these words which command you today shall be in your heart You shall teach them dili gently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house when you walk by the way when you lie down and when you rise 77 up Deuteronomy 6 4 11 Page 7 www ParentingBiblically org Chuck and Joanne Bultman P La af Lare
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