1 An Introduction to NLP
Contents
1. G Gustatory the taste www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 After the external event comes in through our sensory input channels we filter the event before we make an Internal Representation of the event We run that event through our internal processing filters Our internal processes are how we delete distort and generalise the information Deletion Deletion occurs when we selectively pay attention to certain aspects of our experience and not others Deletion means we overlook or omit certain sensory information Without deletion we would be faced with too much information to handle in our conscious minds Distortion Distortion occurs when we make shifts in our experience of sensory data by making misrepresentations of reality Distortion helps us in the process of motivating ourselves Motivation occurs when we actually distort the material that has come to us and that has already been changed by one of our filtering systems Distortion is also helpful in planning We distort to plan when we construct imaginary futures Generalisation The third process is generalisation where we draw global conclusions based on one two or more experiences At its best generalisation is one of the ways we learn whereby we take the information we have and draw broad conclusions about the world based on one or more experiences At its worst generalisation is how we take a single event and make it into a lifetime of experience2. www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Logical Levels The NLP logical levels are very useful for assisting with or understanding change from an individual social or organisation point of view The concept was postulated by Gregory Bateson one of the forerunners of NLP an anthropology professor at Santa Cruz and developed by Robert Dilts The brain and in fact any biological or social system is organised into levels Your brain has different levels of processing As a result you can have different levels of thinking or being When we are working to understand the brain or to change behaviours we need to address these different levels The same thing will be true inside a business system where there are different levels of an organisation Robert Dilts Changing belief systems with NLP The higher levels can influence and control the lower levels Your beliefs for example control and direct your behaviour and are controlled and directed by your identity We can use this model to understand where change needs to occur for it to be long lasting and sustainable Environment do we need to change the furniture around to be more effective Behaviours Do we need to be making time to give each other feedback to develop as a team Skills amp Capabilities Do we have the skills and capabilities necessary to give each other feedback and to make that time Values amp Beliefs Do you believe that you can Is it important t
3. the impact that wish to have on my community etc www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Rapport What is rapport Rapport is one of the most important features or characteristics of unconscious human interaction A sympathetic relationship or understanding The process of making a 2 way connection with someone else at a given time Experiencing a genuine sense of trust and respect with another person It is the meeting of minds and their maps Rapport has been described as the ability to build a bridge of harmony or trust between people It means that a skilled communicator has the ability to respond to the individual s map of the world from that person s perspective as much as possible without mind reading or assigning a value judgement Rapport is a gateway to connect with others in meaningful ways This can be accomplished at several levels Exercise Thinking Rapport groups of 3 A Simply tell person B about your day you weekend or the last week or anything else you want to tell them about You will do this for 2 minutes B Internally choose either to be interested or disinterested in what they are saying for the first minute keep this frame of mind for the whole minute After the minute is up C will tap you on the shoulder as an indication to change mind sets Now change to the other mindset When you are in either mindset sit in a neutral position legs flat on the floor hands on knees and try
4. you get and more so if you aren t flexible to try something else next time How are you going to capture the results you get a eWhat results are you expecting 5 eHow will you know you have achieved your goal Who are you going to involve in the feedback process Valu ate eHow are you going reward yourself for your achievement www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Goal Getting It s only when we do things differently that we get different results www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Goal Getting It s only when we do things differently that we get different results www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Goal Getting It s only when we do things differently that we get different results www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Some of What We Dol Developing High Performance Teams Personality Profiling Selection Assessment amp Development Leadership Development Outdoor Management amp Team Development Coaching Skills for the Workplace MAP Assessment Management Development www developing potential co uk Indoor team development events that focus on 8 key areas necessary for the achievement and maintenance of high performance Understanding embracing and working with personality difference allows teams and individuals to work together more effectively creating a diverse and inclusive working culture We use the MB
5. you have choice over How you feel How you respond The environment in which this concern happens If there isn t really anything you can control or influence in a concern what purpose does it serve to focus some of your energy there What are the opportunities here for doing things differently that may give you more influence and control www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Perceptual Positions sometimes it helps to see things from another perspective If we keep going at a problem in the same way we are likely to get the same results so we need to do things different to get a different result Really taking time out to place yourself in the other person s shoes is one way that help to appreciate this and gain new insight Exercise in pairs 5 minutes each way then 5 minutes discussion 15 mins This is a content free exercise you dont need to disclose anything Think of a person that gives you cause for concern that you have an interpersonal issues with or someone that you would simply like to improve the level of relationships you have with them You will need three pieces of paper On one piece of paper write You on the second Them and on the third Other Place You and Them opposite and facing each other but with a good 2 metres distance between them Place Other off to the side forming a triangle A simply stands on the piece of paper in turn and thinks about the qu
6. A Choose a topic that you are happy to talk about and answer questions about Person C holds the cards and stands behind person A Person B sits in front of person A facing A amp C able to see the cards Person C holds up one of the three cards above person A s head for person B to see Since person C is standing behind person A person B can read the cards that person C is holding up but person A cannot see the cards When person C holds up a card person B tries to deliver a question moving in that direction So if the card held is UP then B will start going meta to a higher logical level Obviously if the last sentence answer is at the highest possible meta level then C would be advised to show either SIDEWAYS or DOWN T ae TO ae gi The fight is won or lost far away from the witnesses behind the lines in the gym and out there on the road long before dance under those lights Muhammed Ali www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Asking the Right Questions Deep Structure and Surface Structure When we recall an experience event we experience our stored internal representation However what comes into our conscious mind has already been deleted distorted and generalised When we put this internal representation into words the words will reflect those deletions distortions and generalisations Have you ever experienced the same event with someone you know yet find yourself disagre
7. An Introduction to NLP In its simplest definition NLP is the user manual for our brain It integrates thoughts and our nervous systems Neuro With communication and the power of language Linguistic And the unconscious habits and patterns we run on Programming A Brief History NLP was originally created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the mid 1970 s They developed a set of techniques by studying very successful therapists Milton Erikson and Virginia Satir and incorporated the ideas of Fritz Pearls and Gregory Bateson to create models or patterns to help people make incredible shifts in their life NLP encompasses both a philosophy and cognitive behavioural psychology approach to change e Itis a solution based approach that has been developed and improved over the last 30 years and updated for today s world e NLP is the art and science of communication What is NLP NLP consists of a number of models of how communication impacts and is impacted by subjective experience and then techniques based on those models NLP is heavily pragmatic if a tool works it s included even if there is no current theory to back it up NLP developers are generally not concerned to prove their models are correct Our approach is pretend it works try it and notice the results you get If you don t get the results you want try something else Excellence is not a skill It is an attitude www developing pot
8. TI 16PF TDI and SDI personality instruments in addition to 360 feedback We help you to identify keep and develop the best Great on paper doesn t mean great for the job We provide opportunities for candidates to demonstrate problem solving communication leadership and much more We also design and deliver development centres to develop your key talent in line with CiPD and BPS best practice Programmes designed to give you the knowledge and skills to create effective leadership and followership Management is about containment leadership is about a journey Memorable powerful and transferable learning experiences for your teams and managers We use the outdoor as a vehicle for accelerated change and development for teams at all levels Would you like the skills Knowledge and understanding to help coach and mentor those with whom you work to be more effective Your time is precious so let us help you be more effective The only objective management assessment tool on the market this tool is ideal for the development of junior middle senior and executive managers 0800 043 5730 Programme Evaluation Please ring the number that you feel most closely represents your views To what extent do you feel you have learned from the programme Learned a lot Learned nothing 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Please take a moment to comment on your overall experience What have you NOT learned that you needed and or expected to learn durin
9. Think of the state of mind you want to anchor make sure this is positively stated e g determined calm focussed confident Pick a part of the body that you would like to anchor your state to perhaps a knuckle or by making a fist it might even be a movement avoid a part of the body or a gesture that you make often unless you want to fire the anchor often Bring to mind the most powerful clear and strong example of a life experience where you experienced the state of mind you want to anchor in the purest sense Use chunking down questions to allow emersion in the state and to recall the event tell me more about that How did that feel Where did you feel that What did that enable you to do Calibrate as they associate into the state they are recalling there will be a physiological shift and set the anchor just before this peak holding it until it starts to dissipate Repeat this several times Break state by changing physiology or by asking a question to elicit a different state e g what rhymes with frisbie Test and fire the anchor www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Controlling the Controllables Concerns Influence Control In the left hand column simply list your concerns things which take up your energy things that you worry about Firstly ask yourself can influence this concern is there anything here can do to change things or this concern simply out of my control What do
10. a major step in increasing the degree of rapport and understanding between two people Child Mum the way see it you just don t see where I m coming from Mum can understand how you see it that way Let s find out how we can see eye to eye on this Matching Predicate Sequence People may use one or two of the sensory systems Most tend to use more than one Follow the sequence below Boss We need to get a grip on this situation so that we can all work in harmony with each other Employer Let s put our heads together and talk about some solutions Matching Key Words and Phrases Steal key words and phrases just as you steal key gestures Key words and phrases are repetitive and are given special emphasis by a subtle but noticeable shift in volume or rate increase and are often accompanied by a key gesture Student Doesn t my painting look mint when it s hung on the wall Teacher Yes It looks really mint Matching Vocal Qualities A skilled communicator listens for the tone tempo volume rate of speech and pauses of the person with whom he she is interacting and as accurately as possible matches back these elements in subtle ways For example if someone speaks slowly a skilled communicator slows down their rate of speech If the person talks loudly then the communicator adjusts his her volume to match Match tone tempo volume intensity pitch etc Note and match in your own language
11. e able to communicate more effectively with a wider range of people requires practice and a willingness to do things that at first may seem strange It is amazing just how more effective you will become by taking a little time to prattice and implement these methods Our lives are not determined by what happens to us but by how we react to what happens not by what life brings to us but by the attitude we bring to life A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts events and outcomes It is a catalyst a spark that creates extraordinary results www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Eye Accessing Cues VC VR Visual Constructed Visual Remembered AC Auditory Constructed _ sC Auditory Remembered K _ AD Kinaesthetic Auditory Digital Eye movements based on a Right Handed Person while facing them www developing potential co uk O 0800 043 5730 Exercise Get into rapport with your partner and then ask some of the following questions State to your partner that you don t want them to verbalise the answer just simply to think about it As they think about it simply notice where they look Perhaps draw a short arrow to record where they looked 1 What is the most vivid dream that you can remember 2 You are walking along the beach barefoot and the sand underneath your feet is hot just bring to mind that feeling 3 Bring to mind your favourite song and pla
12. eing about what actually happened The good news is that for both of you your minds work perfectly and you are both right The information that we bring to the surface that which has been deleted distorted and generalised is termed surface structure Deep structure is everything about an experience stored at the unconscious level some of which is indescribable in the metaphor of words Sometimes the surface structure is good enough If it is not then we will be misunderstood Questions and Transderivational Search One way of avoiding misunderstandings is to ask questions that recover meaning and add choice You may think you know what has just been said but are you sure How can you be really sure Questions are powerful It is impossible not to respond to a question even if you choose not to answer out loud or you do not have an answer Questions promote thought choice and clarify meaning Questions may be closed or open Closed questions are designed to close possibilities and can be answered with a simple yes or no Open questions are those that open possibilities can cannot be answered with a simple yes or no Open questions begin with what who why when where and how www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 What Can Questions Do Elicit states Get information Give choices or take them away depending on the presupposition Direct attenti
13. ential co uk 0800 043 5730 NLP in 30 Seconds The four Pillars of NLP Outcome Know what you want have an outcome in mind for everything you do Action Do something anything you only get results when you take action Acuity Notice what you get It might be in the words body language or behaviour Flexibility Be flexible Develop skills to give you knowledge influence and options Even by doing nothing you are doing something Results are coming They will either be the results you want or not If they are then keep doing what you are doing and if they aren t do something differently and you will get different results The results we get are simply the product of co ordinates co ordinates of time location behaviour skills people values and beliefs www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 The NLP Communication Model The NLP communication model describes how we process the information that comes into us from the world around us The process begins with an external event that we experience through our senses V TTP A s Jsi Ca e K L O q O pe it le G Internal Representation Physiological Internal State Shift V Visual what we see or the way someone looks at us A Auditory sounds the words we hear and the way in which people say them K Kinaesthetic external feelings including touch the pressure and texture O Olfactory the smell
14. estions that B asks them B Do you have a relationship that you would like to improve or an interpersonal issue with someone that you would like to gain insight into If yes then continue am going to ask you some questions All would like you to do is to think about them you do not need to respond verbally is that ok Stand on the place marked You Bring to mind the problem as it is and just allow yourself to think about it for a moment pause Imagine the other person standing on the place marked Them pause What are the causes of this problem pause What are your own values and beliefs about the other person pause What are your priorities pause What are your expectations of the other person involved pause What is needed to make the relationship more effective and resolve this challenge pause That s great thank you Now come and stand on the place marked Them www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Take a moment to put yourself in their shoes pause As you do this imagine as the other person that you can see you standing on the place marked You pause And as the other person what are the causes of this problem pause And as the other person what are your values and beliefs about name you pause And as the other person what are your priorities pause And as the other person what are you expectations of name pause And as the other person and in con
15. fects against change and bolster the effects for it To succeed we must first believe that we can 0800 043 5730 www developing potential co uk Forces Against Change Forces For Change www developing potential co uk 0800 043 Food for Action Opportunities Benefits Challenges www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Commitment to Action eMake your goal specific perhaps to a specific person a specific skill or a specific context eEnsure that your goal can be maintained by you that it isn t dependent on other people eWhat are the smaller milestone goals that you can use a measurement of succes in attaining your larger goal ePerhaps make a mental note of the motivation intention behind your goal for what purpose do you want your goal How will you be as a person when you have achieved your goal eResults only come through action There is no failure only feedback and learning eWhat is the first smallest step that you can take towards achieving your goal eConsider the context and resources you will need to take this first action eWhat support do you need with this first smallest step eRemember this is only the first smallest step eWhen specifically are you going to take this first smallest step eWhat do you need to do in order to create the right environment for this first smallest step eAction is nothing if you unaware of the results
16. g the programme Please describe fully any items can use the content from this workshop to influence others Agree w 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 pieagice can use the content from this workshop to increase my personal effectiveness Agree 19 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 pieagree have identified areas for change amp development Agree 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 41 Pagie Please take a moment to comment on your rating How committed are you to doing something differently as a result of the programme Very 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Morava Which parts of the event do you feel will be most useful back at work Which parts of the event do you feel will be least useful or not at all useful back at work www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5739
17. h career personal and it is not in alignment with one of the higher levels How successful do you think you will be in achieving your goal An Example To gain an appreciation of how these logical levels work assume it is 9 00 am and am at my place of work environment If don t want to be there then must change my behaviour Some possible choices are could walk out could do cartwheels over to and out the door could start yelling and screaming with the hope someone would take me out of the building Etc The behaviour select depends on my capabilities skills If am capable of performing cartwheels then this is certainly a possibility On the other hand my strategy may be to have someone help me to leave i e by shouting and screaming Or if really don t want to work there and need some source of income my strategy might be to become ill so that have a medical excuse and can go on long term disability know anyone who has done this consciously or unconsciously The capability strategy choose will depend on my beliefs and values If believe that can easily get another job to support my family then becoming ill is not a choice for me My beliefs and values are determined by my identity If see myself as a successful person then it is very possible that would hold the belief that can easily get another job or even create a business of my own My identity is dependent on my purpose in life
18. hat you do Identity Purpose What is your purpose by doing this What role are you performing and is this in line with who you want to be come When interacting with the people that you get on less well with at what level is there incongruence At what level is change necessary to achieve a better outcome www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 e This is the level that relates to a bigger picture or larger system where questions about some larger purpose come into play For us as individuals this often means the spiritual It takes us into questions about our mission vision Identity is to do with sense of self boy This could be our personal identity or a relationship identity in either case who we are Psychologically this area is felt to be most Who significant and will be most well defended If someone feels criticized at this level they will tend to react very strongly e Beliefs and values provide the criteria for judgment and action the why for both individuals and organizations Our beliefs and our values shape our understanding of why things are possible or impossible for us They provide us with a rationale and drive our Values amp Beliefs actions Why e Capability is about the how and the how to s of life the knowledge skills and processes that make it possible for one person who has them to find doing something easy and for another who lacks them to find the same thing really difficult These abi
19. he question long enough for A to get it and then give A the chance to answer you 3 C s job is to listen carefully and then in 2 minutes discussion time tell B when he she matched the voice accurately and when the match was not accurate Rapport When Dealing With Someone Who Is Angry When someone is angry you should increase your rate and volume to match theirs But do not match their anger unless you direct it away from them Be angry with them but not at them In other words pace their energy rhythm and intensity but do not get angry at them For example you could say the following while matching their intensity Well your experience is completely unacceptable After a moment or two begin to get calmer and more relaxed if you have established rapport they will follow You could follow this by telling them a story of how another situation like theirs has been resolved in the past www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 This works because 1 You are matching their current on going experience and sending a message of empathy instead of mismatching by trying to calm them down and 2 They feel you are listening to them and are willing to do what it takes to remedy the situation for and with them Flexibility It is absolutely essential to learn to be flexible in your behaviour as well as be willing to do so when you are learning rapport and everything else from this course Learning to become more flexible to b
20. ing hard not to give your mindset away C Simply tap B on the shoulder after a minute is up People think that at the top there isn t much room They tend to think of it as an Everest My message is that there is tons of room at the top Change roles so you each have a go at being B At the end of the conversation A and C tell B in which order they were interested and disinterested Margaret Thatcher www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Matching Non Verbal Body Language A skilled communicator matches the other person s body posture facial expressions gestures and breathing rate Again as a skilled communicator adjusts the features of his communication style to match the person with whom he is relating an unconscious message is sent to the other person That person receives the message this person is like me Communication research has heavily bored out that we tend to like people who are like ourselves Mirroring is to match back the other person s behaviour as a mirror image As the person looks at a skilled communicator they will see a mirror image of themselves Adjust your body to approximate the other person s posture Pace any consistent or stylistic use of the body eye blinks head nod etc Match the upper or lower portion of the other person s body Note the way the other person uses their face raise their eyebrows wrinkle their nose etc Match characteristic pose
21. ing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Finding Motivation Exercise in pairs 5 minutes each way You will need four pieces of paper Goal Benefits Challenges Higher Values Lay the four pieces of paper out in the order described above Ask your partner if they have something that they would like more motivation for perhaps something that is not in line with their values and beliefs You are welcome to do this content free or to answer the questions out loud either way is fine Can ask you to stand on the place marked Goal What is it that you want here what is your outcome Take a moment to think about that Thanks When you are ready step on to the placed marked Benefits What are the benefits of achieving your goal How will you be as a person when you have achieved your goal What will having this goal bring for you Thanks When you are ready step on to the place marked Challenges What are the challenges here What is stopping you from getting your goal What else could potentially stop you from getting your goal What are the things that are causing you to choose to feel de motivated Thanks When are ready step on to the place marked Higher Values and turn around When you look back at your goal the benefits and now the challenges that you face in getting what you do want what is even more important to you than that refer to the Challenges pause this may take some time f
22. istener s noticing the transition True Pacing Statements It s 09 30 on Wednesday morning And it s time to start You all came today for a reason And we all have things which are important to us about our job Speculative Leading Statements So guess that means it s time to explore this thing called NLP and understand how it can be useful to us in what we do Change is the law of life And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future John F Kennedy www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Example It s got four seats the engine is the size you wanted and it s the colour that you are looking for that must mean it s time for a test drive e It s got four seats Truth e the engine is the size you wanted Truth e and it s the colour that you are looking for Truth e that must mean Cause Effect Milton Model e its time for a test drive Lead Exercise We have explored developing rapport through matching language and now we have looked at pacing statements One of the things that many of you wanted from today was to develop the skills in being able to influence the people you work with Now is a perfect opportunity to start using and practicing these new skills So when you are ready get into groups of 3 or 4 and see how many pacing and leading statements
23. lities may be Skills amp Capabilities inherent or learnt How e Behaviour is what you do or don t do It involves both deliberate and accidental actions occurring at both conscious and T unconscious levels Issues on this level relate to what is happening or being done What e The level of environment includes obvious things like your surroundings the external context the where and the when But it also embraces more nebulous elements like your social environment There is also your internal environment which you create through Pavone your thoughts feelings and sense of well being Where amp When www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Using Logical Levels to Explain Understand Change Organisational Change Have you ever been involved in change within an organisation What are some of the more common change activities How about a new organisational chart Or maybe the physical layout of the offices This is change at the level of environment Will it be long lasting Only if the change is in alignment with the higher levels purpose values identity Or maybe staff are told to perform in a different way behaviour without receiving the necessary training skills capabilities Unfortunately this happens far too often When money becomes tight the first thing to go is the training budget Again the change will most likely not be long lasting Health Career Suppose you have a goal for yourself healt
24. loping potential co uk 0800 043 5730 For what purpose Existence A Why is that important to you Being human A What is your higher intention Tools humans use What will having that give you Stationery What will that bring for you i Writing implements A What specifically Chalk 4 Pen gt Pencil What are examples of this Felt Tip Ball Point What are the pieces that make up this White Board Marker What are the steps or details Blue white board marker D y My blue white board marker Chunk Size People have a preference for information at the global big chunk or the specific small chunk level When you are presenting information to someone do you know their preference for chunk size before you start When working with a larger group give the big chunk information first then the small chunk detail second Keep alternating this pattern throughout your delivery to keep everyone engaged www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Chunking and conflict resolution Chunking up is particularly effective as a tool for helping to resolve conflict If we can chunk up to find common ground and values we are much more likely to find resolution and the way forwards in the detail Exercise Make cards with UP DOWN and SIDEWAYS written on them one word on each of the three cards You can also use hand gestures Groups of three A B amp C
25. on and so create reality Cause a transderivational search Model strategies Elicit resources Challenge assumptions Orient in time by asking about past present or future Elicit outcomes Associate or disassociate Give strategies Build or break rapport Summarise Elicit values Motivation is the art of getting people to do what you want them to do because they want to do it www developing potential co uk Types of Questions What Who When Why How Seeks information Elicits outcomes Seeks information about people Orients in time seeks time bound information Asks for triggers and cues for action seeks justification and reasons for actions Seeks values Allocates blame searches for meaning Looks for past causes Explores process Models the process Elicits strategies Asks for quality and quantity 0800 043 5730 Anchoring Do you have a piece of music that when you hear it reminds you of an event in your life Or perhaps a photograph that when you see it it makes you feel a certain way Whether positive or less than positive these memories and more importantly the state of mind associated with it are usually very powerful These are what we can anchors it is simply a stimulus response event We can use this to our advantage to purposefully create powerful and positive anchors to quickly be feeling the way we want to be Steps to setting an anchor
26. or them to search for the higher value When they respond And just take a moment to fully connect with value And what else is even more important to you than these challenges If they come up with another higher value say And just take a moment to fully connect with value Now ask them to come back and stand at the place marked Goal Just take a moment to think about the four places What do you notice www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Force Field Analysis Understanding the Pressures For and Against Change Force Field Analysis is a useful technique for looking at all the forces for and against a decision In effect it is a specialized method of weighing pros and cons By carrying out the analysis you can plan to strengthen the forces supporting a decision and reduce the impact of opposition to it How to Use the Tool To carry out a force field analysis complete the following steps Describe your plan or proposal for change in the middle List all forces for change in one column and all forces against change in another column Assign a score to each force from 1 weak to 5 strong Total the forces for and against change You now have a choice accept the numbers for what they are or consider taking action so that the numbers change Do the numbers grossly support the change If yes then great If there isn t much in it is there anything that you can do to reduce the ef
27. person s conscious awareness How You Can Connect With Any Group In Under A Minute The top trainers are not relying on special techniques They lay the groundwork of success before they even start with the content of their session Rapport through pacing and leading is what makes for successful training Pacing involves appreciating yourself enough to use your verbal and non verbal communication as an exquisite instrument allowing you to maintain your own wholeness your own comfort your own sense of balance while acknowledging another person s experience Pacing with physiology Use your body to pace gestures energy level and specific movement or lack of them breathing etc Pacing with language Pace the key words phrases predicates values representational systems and voice tone and tempo etc www developing potential co uk 15 0800 043 5730 Creatures of habit What you are doing as you make the pacing statements is setting up a response pattern of that s true in the other person s mind Human beings are creatures of habit we like what s familiar The human brain seeks pattern and having established a pattern likes it to continue When the brain has said that s true three times it s likely to say it for the fourth time When pacing and leading is done elegantly it is possible to move from saying mostly things which are verifiably true to saying mostly things which are made up without the l
28. s the other person offers with their head and shoulders With minute and graceful movements and timing match the gesture patterns of the other person Adjust your own breathing to synchronise with the other person s breath rate and location Cross Over Matching Using one aspect of your behaviour to match a different aspect of the other person s behaviour Pace eye blinks with your finger or breathing rate with head nods Tap your finger rhythmically to their breath or cadence of speech Sway your body subtly to their rhythm A most powerful form of match is to match their rhythm Matching Representational Systems When we speak we give clues about how we think Because we choose our words they give an accurate description of how we make sense of the world we live in We use words that describe how we process the information we take in through our five sense We talk about what we see hear feel smell and taste in the world as well as what is going on inside our heads A skilled communicator learns to listen for these predicates and to match them back to the person he she is communicating with If someone is painting a picture using visual words a skilled communicator paints them a picture as well If they are talking about how things sound or feel to them a skilled communicator speaks in similar terms The listener receives a message that the other www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 person hears and understands them This is
29. sidering all of this what is needed to make relationship more effective and to resolve this challenge That s great thank you Now come and stand on the place marked Other Take a moment to disassociate yourself from both You and Them Be a totally neutral person who has no involvement in this situation Perhaps even be someone you don t even know pause And as you do this just allow yourself to notice the real You standing on the place marked You and the other person involved in this situation to be standing on the place marked Them pause How has the You standing over there not been contributing to the solution that will improve this relationship pause With your appreciation for both sides what do you now notice pause What is it that You standing over there is doing differently now pause That s great thank you How was that When we see the need for deep change we usually see it as something that needs to take place in someone else In our roles of authority such as parent teacher or boss we are particularly quick to direct others to change Such directives often fail and we respond to the resistance by increasing our efforts The power struggle that follows seldom results in change or brings about excellence One of the most important insights about the need to bring about deep change in others has to do with where deep change actually starts www develop
30. the repeated phrases or stylised grammatical use of the other person www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Matching Chunk Size lf a person likes the big picture a skilled communicator presents the big picture If the person prefers the details then this is how a skilled communicator alters his her communication You will notice that chunk size preference is generally sequential or that which the person wants to hear first Some start off with big picture and more toward filling in the details whilst others prefer it reversed Wife It is important to talk about what is really important about our relationship before we attempt to solve these little problems Husband think that our friendship is what is most important here and these little problems come up when we forget about the larger issue Exercise saying rapport groups of 3 approximately 5 minutes each way 15 mins total A B amp C Telephone matching and mirroring A and B sit back to back and have a telephone conversation A in the sales department is trying to sell something to B B has made the call and wants to buy the item but has a whole lot of questions about it Perhaps decide the item before you start 1 A Match B s voice tone volume and tempo speed exactly 2 B Change your voice tone volume and tempo with each new question you ask Be obvious and stay with one mode of talking for the whole question and make t
31. y it in your head 4 Just for fun pretend that your favourite song has been reproduced to the sound of dogs barking and cats meowing what would that sound like 5 Bring to mind the place where you live what would everything in your house look like painted pink with yellow spots 6 When you want something when you want to be motivated what is it that you say to yourself 7 What does it feel like to be under pressure 8 What do you think Father Christmas would look like if he were half lizard 9 What did your childhood bedroom look like 10 Just bring to mind the sound of 3 different door bells all sounding at the same time www developing potential co uk If you always do what you have always done you will always get what you have always got 0800 043 5730 Pacing and Leading People Like People Who Are Like Themselves Pacing is simply the process of matching the other person s behaviour pattern By mastering it you will develop the ability to get rapport with anyone anywhere and be able to influence people more profoundly When you are pacing you are sending the message I am like you and people like people who are like themselves You can begin to pace someone by identifying a pattern and adjusting your behaviour to match the other person Subtlety is the key to pacing It is extremely important while matching to keep it subtle so that what you are doing does not intrude on the other
32. you can come up with relevant to your job and the people you work with Truth Truth Truth Lead www developing potential co uk Q 0800 043 5730 Food for Action Opportunities Benefits Challenges www developing potential co uk 0800 043 5730 Chunking The Art of Conversation Chunking is a principle that applies to the effective communication of information between human beings It was first put forward in the 1950 s by a Harvard psychologist George A Miller who studied short term memory He found that people could only be reliably expected to remember seven plus or minus two numbers chunks of information a few minutes after having been told these numbers once The concept goes beyond numbers to about seven recently learned chunks of similarly classified data Chunking is e A way to Elicit States chunking down Identify values chunking up Create metaphors chunking across Talk to many different types of people e The basis for negotiation and agreement e How to find out information e How to structure information for learning Chunk up to find values and purpose What is important to you about that What is your intention here Chunk down to find out more details When specifically is that a problem for you What are examples of this Chunk across to make links to change context or content of the discussion Where else do you to this What is this similar to www deve
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