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Do-Over CYOA

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1. You know by now Lawrence Matlock He s a nuisance We try to help After each carefully spaced four syllable sentence fragment her words hang in the air like cracks in a windowpane struck by a rock It s not easy The world s not right We try our best He doesn t know It s the best we can do Her words layer themselves in a low susurrating cacophony just on the edge of your hearing a high shrill noise similar to tinnitus PII be brief They can t be allowed to make it happen They ll set it up An immaterial impression hangs in the air the feeling of something infinitely bigger than you being terrified They ll tell you they re saving the world They Il tell you everything Sometimes you don t need to know The echoes of her voice drift through the chill air like whiplashes reverberating in the distance impossibly inconceivably far away before fading out They both need to fall Both We cannot give you answers We can barely give you help We could force you but it would defeat the point Both the church and the investors But we gave you a deal Now you have to help us make someone else do it And then heavy as a blow to the head the knowledge that you re awake and ready to decide for yourself
2. but don t get paid extra for nights and that doesn t put me ina good mood I m just Recruitment as said and my job with you is pretty much over by now It seems like he was affecting an accent before even if it was rather convincing he still sounds British but with a bog standard Home Counties accent that s almost aggravatingly hard to place His voice has dropped a bit too though that might just be the two packs of cigarettes Look l Il get this over with and get on to the next one we re goddamn busy at the time We can let you start over partially kinda don t advise you to look too deeply into it but the mechanisms are esoteric or should say apocryphal We can t just do you up to your specifications but like to think we have quite a good selection of possible uh identities can assure you that no one will be missing them so to say If you re gonna chicken out you can still tell me to pull over and everything will be over too He lights another cigarette when did he even finish the previous one and stares down at the wheel for a while before getting his eyes back on the road staring very firmly at the midline This still doesn t keep him from driving straight down it Just a tip from me to you got It might seem easy to just go doing whatever you want but don t go too far We re not creating anything think should say We can t really do that very well and if you re we
3. but only your physical appearance which means that you can have a fully developed body while looking like a teenager at first glance Drawback If you take this gift on credit you ll get the deal with all the strings attached You get your wish you ll always be physically young and as beautiful as your chosen blueprint allows you to be If you re older than 25 you de age in real time until you reach the looks of a 25 year old On the flipside you ll always be young while you ll age until the 25 and thus not constantly be carded people will probably start getting suspicious when they realize you still look 25 when you re 40 Makeup and plastic surgery can explain a lot of things given but even those have their limits If you use this to de age yourself more than 10 years too be prepared to answer some very hard questions or have to skip town for a new identity somewhere however you re planning to do that It also keeps you from psychologically maturing and fixing the immature aspects of your personality if you were a loudmouth with no brain mouth filter before taking this gift no amount of time or practice save for other magical effects can get rid of that trait Riches If you take this gift you won t just receive money you will by chance or contrivance end up in one of the highest paying positions possible with your qualifications There ll always be that middle management position open your superior mi
4. s human of course I ve shaken hands with him and he s just as solid as anyone else but he s just not human in the same way Green Tie then he s a real fucking tricky bugger he is She takes the last drag off her cigarette while still holding it in her mouth then spits it out admirably close but unfortunately far from an ashtray on the counter So well see ya guess Lot of people who make the deal come round to us afterwards since it s an easy place to work Never made that deal myself but I ve seen a lot of you who did Green Tie is probably gonna be here soon as leave She jumps off the desk and takes a single step towards the door throwing it open and half running inside You turn around back towards the chair and see someone sitting in it smoking a small cigar and reading the Financial Times He s almost uncannily average by virtue of being just slightly uglier than your average yuppie long faced and pale with a high hairline and frizzy brown hair partially breaking out of the iron hard wax and spray treatment he s given it He can t be more than 22 with buck teeth and a gangly build that makes his brown suit white shirt and navy slacks look too big on him The one thing that for some reason seems to fit perfectly on him is the objectively hideous double wide dollar bill printed tie he s wearing He glances over in your direction flashing you a whitened buck toothed smile and walking in
5. alone and takes care of his own chores and has enough on his account to be future proofed for months Basically infinite supply of drugs of any kind provided the supplier sees some money down the line Not book smart by any stretch but with a razor sharp eye for business and an incredible sense for impending trouble that borders on the uncanny Career drug dealer lots of friends lots of enemies Charming as a block of Rockwool socially clumsy and doesn t know it laughs at inopportune moments and is nicknamed Nosferatu by his friends for a reason Reputation as a date rapist it s not actually true but he has tried Firmly underage Yasuda Nina Actual Japanese Idol Female 22 years old Japanese citizen black haired brown eyed Yasuda Nina is a rather atypical candidate for the project She s a reasonably popular member of a certain Japanese idols you can meet group playing the role of the tomboy character This actually isn t faked at all she s about as tomboyish as they come with short tufty sun bleached hair a slight suntan a taste in clothing that boils down to T shirts checkered flannel shirts and jeans and just enough abs that it counts An actual idol whose job is to be charming and personable she s good at it and every ounce is genuine Pretty buff for a Japanese woman her age and very athletic too mostly dancing but she s a natural talent at athletics
6. and off tasting but wholly drinkable and non harmful beverage It can be any volume or part of a work volume 1 of a book counts as the whole series if you wish so but you do have to destroy a whole volume or other storage medium It doesn t matter what medium the original work is destroying a book will still let you create a script and vice versa Drinking the beverage will fill your mouth with the taste of stale coffee grounds and your mind with inspiration if you sit down and set off at least 24 hours for writing you will be able to write out a work of fiction with supernatural speed and endurance The inspiration will come to you naturally and fluently and you ll be able to write a 500 page novel in 24 hours The quality of the work is affected by your own writing ability but it will always at the very least be enjoyable Then come the caveats No matter what you do the work will always come off as similar to what you used to fuel the coffee cup with If you for example use Twilight you ll end up writing something similar to it whether in plot a bland female main character moves to a small town and meets two mysterious men who vie for her affection or in concept a young adult vampire novel with too much Mary Sue for most people s tastes You can make the derivation less obvious by using 12 more hours on it but it will still be visible to people who ve read the original work reasonably recently If you put too much work i
7. beyond is obviously a renovated gas station shop with the same tiled floors and noncommittally beige walls but the shelves and coolers have been stripped and replaced by a low table and two chairs in a rough approximation of a waiting room A half empty bowl of candy sits on the table more of a gesture than a practical snack flanked by a single ballpoint pen Sitting down in one of the chairs comfortable but with one lopsided leg you start considering the blueprints in the documents you ve received They don t seem official in any way save for the oily half legalese they re written in but you wouldn t have followed Louis if you didn t have some kind of hope in whoever he s working for You ve just finished making your choice when a surly looking young woman with inch long grown out roots and an Adidas tracksuit opens the door to the former day manager s office narrowing her eyes at you like you re some kind of particularly overgrown insect Why am I not surprised Come on buddy it s in here Amir s waiting for you Her accent is quite like the one Louis was faking in the beginning but less indistinct hers sounds like some offshoot of urban London English allowed to ferment for a generation in some God forsaken northern suburb She turns on her heel slamming the door after herself in a single movement When you enter the manager s office your first impression is total sensory confusion A heavy smoky f
8. depressing histories of the stars and the heavy workload is enough to turn someone off porn entirely Too nice for his own good his tendency to buy everyone drinks is damn near pathological and he can t refuse someone who s done him a good turn Crackdowns on explicit and sexist material in Germany have started to threaten his position anda few of his snappy comments regarding female politicians have made the news Bad junk food habit eats like shit and pretty much has to in order to keep doing his job Particularly favors ice cream Kanematsu Mitsuyoshi Actual Yakuza Member Male 29 years old Japanese citizenship black haired but bleached brown eyed Some people have to keep the traditions alive and Kanematsu Mitsuyoshi is one of them He s tall for a Japanese man with bleached styled hair shaven eyebrows at least five earrings and a lip that s been split at least five times He s not burly per se but he s pretty big and still rather agile with muscular arms covered in tattoos He wears elaborately embroidered windbreakers featuring the crest of the Inagawa kai as well as tracksuit pants and combat boots Has a well paying job that he s good at with connections that let him buy guns and drugs like candy Strong fast and most importantly mean fights dirty and does it well Streetwise like you wouldn t believe while he s of average intelligence he s basically a walking encyclopedia of where
9. from a publicly available shopping catalog but that s all you can use it to have products delivered that are illegal in your country or normally take a lot of paperwork to buy for example a car It supplies you with nothing aside from the specific good listed in the catalog and can t buy you faked papers Cars will have license plates seemingly valid for the time and place you re in but they won t check out if referenced with a database If the signature is ever erased and it s easy on most cards the pen stops working until you sign a new one Cigarettes of Truth Coupons 2 Whoever created this thing seems to have been a smidgen offbeat It s a steel cigarette case Camel branded and from about 1950 give or take It s far too beaten up to sell to any collector the lid doesn t even close properly but has other uses Inside the case are a few cut outs from a mid 2000 s teen magazine with the heading Test The Brand you Smoke Can Tell Us Who You Are with a few snippets of test results readable on one of the moldering pieces If you at any point concentrate on a person or a situation and reach into the case without looking at it you ll come away with a cigarette of varying brand it can dispense some really strange ones once in a while though most of the results are major brands The brand of this cigarette will tell you something about the person or situation with the catch that there s not exactly a c
10. in general Stubborn and motivated like you wouldn t believe and never backs down from a problem she wants to solve no matter what s in the way Not just business lesbian but gayer than all of the Copenhagen Pride Parade and it s a fine line to walk in the industry Sometimes stupidly daring and impulsive with a nearly nonexistent sense of caution Being an idol is actually an insanely hard job with a tight schedule constant fan attention and requiring a lot of social surplus Drinks like a sponge at private parties and thinks the tabloids won t notice but they will Benjamin Garfunkel Private Eye Male 43 years old US citizen black haired blue eyed Benjamin Garfunkel is the spitting image of the cop drama private eye thinning hair sharp features and a tendency towards trench coats He even has the stereotypical problems on the home front he s divorced with two kids who come to meet him far too rarely for his taste He s tall and skinny but still quite wiry and has kept well for his age Certified private investigator with license and paperwork ex cop too and he even resigned of his own free will Intelligent cautious and sharp eyed Brilliant when it comes to the law with a good gut feeling and an intimate familiarity with the system Jewish by birth if not by belief family is helpful and supportive but insists on him remarrying and stages huge get togethers every major Jewi
11. it She s actually not unreasonable about this specific aspect of social justice and admits that the only reason she s happy now is probably that she got a miracle solution by now she doesn t believe that a full transition would ever be medically possible In terrible shape and won t be helping you with anything physical any time soon When asked to lose weight she either gets defensive and claims thin privilege or complains about how she ll never be able to do it and that she should just go eat more Ben amp Jerry s Martyr complex will tolerate a lot when it s directed at her but will snap if anyone insults another minority Addictive personality bring any kind of drug close to her and she will develop a problem If you don t regularly sell or use drugs she ll find her own hookup in a few years Sidney Natural Disaster Prefers People with entertaining reactions to the absurd anyone who can keep his pace Dislikes People with good common sense careful people Will refuse Killjoys conservatives teetotalers Everyone knows a guy like Sidney His real name is a total mystery he shows up uninvited all the time but still manages to make himself welcome he s always drunk and his imagination could probably revolutionize science if he used it for other purposes than breaking things and ingesting intoxicants He s tall and skinny with brown hair a high forehead and slightly crossed brown eyes w
12. me was a bit busy with work Arabic as his attire might be his English is posh enough to fit at the Queen s dinners and with only a slight Arabic lilt to it He hurriedly sweeps up the ashes seemingly trying to do four things at once cleaning up looking at a sheaf of papers on his desk adjusting the pair of scales and looking up at you to nod reassuringly The girl from before simply stands in the corner smoking a cigarette with the filter torn off and looking exasperated All right all right Everything should be in order now Tea coffee Without even waiting for an answer he reaches onto the shelf behind him and grabs two unspeakably kitschy porcelain cups the kind that British housewives would have considered Oriental in the Edwardian era He picks four pieces of cane sugar out of an ornate brass sugar bowl with a pair of matching tongs dropping one into one cup and three into the other before pouring pitch black tea onto them from a baroque samovar in the corner Shunting the cup with the single cube of sugar in front of you he starts speaking again I m always inconvenienced with how to act in these situations so excuse me if seem evasive I m prior to not many more secrets than you are you see My job here is to issue supplies to those who have clearance and to explain to them how these supplies work I ve only been here for two years so I m still a newcomer and sadly can t answer that many q
13. much as do but Louis seems to be really in on it If had to put a finger on it I d say that Louis is even different from you or me I m not sure how and it sounds silly when say it but that s the impression get Amir s expression turns even more pained as if he s forcing himself to say something he s really far too polite for He glances at the samovar then pops a sugar cube in his mouth while pouring himself a small cup of pitch black tea He takes a gulp then chews the sugar cube in his mouth with utmost concentration Louis detest saying it since he s a fine guy and nicer than he acts but he might not have your best interests in mind The Man with the Green Tie can give you a lot but the greedy little worm won t ever let you have something for free thought I d trust him and Amir blinks hard seemingly trying to squeeze back tears that aren t actually coming He flashes his left hand above the desk for just a short moment the pale depression of a long worn ring now missing standing out vividly on his ring finger When he registers that you ve seen it he nods his head towards the girl in the corner now cleaning her nails with a flick knife of a size that s likely quite firmly illegal Sloan might have something else to say about it though She claims she made a deal that went perfectly and that I m just blaming him for my own mistakes Trust who you like know what know and I
14. to buy illegal goods what gangs control what areas and how to foil police Also experienced enough with foreign criminals to speak Chinese Russian and Turkish in a criminal context Scary because he s ugly shaven eyebrows boxer s nose fucked up lips and teeth solarium tan and irezumi tattoos don t make you pretty but they sure make you intimidating Chain smoker to the degree where it chews up a lot of his budget and severely fucks with his head if he doesn t get a cigarette doesn t have any lifestyle illnesses yet but will if he keeps on smoking Zainichi Korean maligned by nationalists and right wingers in both Korea and Japan and never really at home in either Yakuza work has strings attached say goodbye to half of the hot springs and bathhouses in Japan and not following orders is likely to get people maimed or even killed Mary S Washington Civil Rights Lawyer Female 29 years old US citizenship black haired brown eyed Mary Washington is all business a short but wiry black woman with a ruler straight posture a look in her eyes that could strip the paint off a car and straightened black hair pulled back in a bun so tight that it s practically a facelift She wears suits to every occasion open green blazer jackets and matching pleated skirt if it s informal black suit jacket and matching pencil skirt with black high heels if it s formal Practicing lawyer and good at it usually win
15. you will usually consciously be revolted while their subconscious pushes them at full power to love everything about you not a healthy emotional experience and an obviously supernatural one too though victims will usually be too in love with you to snitch on you Those who don t realize will keep on changing themselves and the way they act more and more to suit what you like bending over backwards to please you which can be fun at first but quickly leads to sycophantic pseudo stalkers with little personal integrity of their own who re disturbingly willing to abandon friends and family solely to please you Their friends and family can perfectly well become furious at you for doing this to the victim even if they don t realize it s not a mundane effect e Youth If you take this gift you will always look as young as can possibly be expected of a person your age The effects of this vary with your actual age a 15 year old will look like a kid which is not a unilaterally positive effect but a 60 year old will have kept about as well as Madonna and they don t even have to use makeup or Photoshop at all If you re still in your twenties you might get carded abnormally often but you ll look firmly like an adult once you pass the 30 You can also expect for your lifespan to be about 110 years all in all You can still mature mentally and psychologically as well as develop physically the gift doesn t affect your hormones
16. your direction Financial Times still in his hand Ah hello hello Nice to meet you I m sorry for the suddenness but I m kinda on a time limit and can t stay too long He practically grabs your hand and shakes it exactly twice Aside from the brusque approach it s practically the Platonic idea of a handshake firm dry warm and not a millisecond too long He s definitely wearing cologne but just enough that it isn t overpowering a crisp dry scent that doesn t clash with the cigar smoke sticking to his suit lapels You ve probably been told but I m here to offer you a signing bonus of sorts The basic deal is very sparse think you just don t get your money s worth so to say That s why volunteered as a contractor to provide customers with just that little bit extra that leaves them feeling satisfied He takes a practiced puff of his cigar making sure to blow the smoke away from you I can walk you through my catalog now if you want I m authorized to give you one bonus for free but understand if you don t think it s enough He smiles showing whitened but definitely not corrected teeth it s the first genuine unguarded smile you ve seen among the people here I m a contractor though and that means can do business on my own I m not like these people here toeing the line of what they consider morally responsible I provide fully satisfying s
17. Do Over CYOA In more ways than one even Premise First off it s dark Second it s fucking cold Third you re lying down and you kinda feel like puking That was right There was that party then that happened then you had to leave before everyone beat you up and then you had to drown your sorrows something fierce As you slowly come to your senses again it gets clear to you that you evidently decided to lie down and take a nap on a bench in the city center it s a wonder that you haven t gotten mugged yet really It must be about 4 in the morning and you re still pretty drunk from how you re feeling not stupidly so but you don t want to drive Shit and just as you wanted to get home before dawn Someone sits down beside you with a nonchalance that kinda creeps you out just sinking onto the bench without a word Drunkenly rising up to see who the hell it is you feel a man s hand pressing lightly down on your head Aye you don t need to do that You wanna listen to me now Don t get too curious or you ll waste a big chance mate The voice is a man s he s perhaps in his twenties or thirties with a hair raisingly thick urban London accent You hear him lighting a cigarette and exhaling in relief after the first drag Fact of the matter is I ve come here to make you a big offer A really bloody big one to be honest If you wanna listen to it listen proper can t answer any ques
18. a result of the blueprint being applied though intentional effort and or direct requests void this guarantee A sheaf of Post It notes has been stuck to the second page covered in a dense and pointy handwriting you can easily imagine is Louis It looks like he ended up dragging on and just pasted each note onto the end of the other Cliff s Notes No memory loss unless you actively try but moderate personality intrusion most import outlined People will know you and notice if you act strange but you ll know everything the blueprint does and get into it in a few days You retain everything you know but the blueprint s body supersedes your old potential and takes a bit of practice Oliver Remy Canadian Yuppie Male 23 years old Canadian citizen blond blue eyed Oliver Remy is the heir to a Canadian old money family sunk to their armpits in debt He s been pushed mercilessly to succeed from the day he was born but has had no actual goal except being the best at everything He s short haired but with just enough hair to style and has a yuppie sense of dress that s actually not that bad in action Good looking and rich Large base of knowledge regarding politics finance and fine culture and he speaks perfect French In the middle of a Dartmouth College finance doctoral education and doing pretty well and he s juggling a prominent frat at the same time Gay Neurotic mess with many psychosomati
19. a small nugget of cannabis or opium is put into the pipe the pipe will never run dry until two hours have passed no matter how much has been smoked e Tinted Shades Coupons 1 You recall seeing something Louis wearing something very similar to these red tinted driving shades though his had a bit of tape around one lens These glasses will filter all of your senses according to your own expectations desires and of course bias if you re pissed at a co worker he might appear as a horrible slimy sleaze through the shades and if you ve just binged on cyberpunk novels everything might appear a bit darker grittier and more cluttered with technology The glasses even double as an actual pair of beer goggles if you want to get laid but have to settle for the bottom of the barrel the glasses will make a 20 dollar meth head hooker look and feel like a Bond babe The world will look just a bit more like you want it and the people in it likewise While you can roughly choose what you want to see since it is defined by what you want after all the effect will never make things up out of whole cloth or change anything but your perceptions it changes the way you see existing things but they ll still be the same type of thing For example you might see the trashy charver behind the counter as a supermodel in high fashions but you won t mistake a mannequin or a small tree for the same The glasses might make the 99 cent hotdog you bought o
20. actually learn about Those looks take maintenance and they invite a lot of clingy attention Erica Underwood Young Girl Female 9 years old US citizen brown haired brown eyed Erica Underwood is the kind of girl who blends into a grade school yearbook until you look it through for the third time She s a bit chubby but not enough to stand out and she s of pretty average height She doesn t have the allowance to buy her own clothes and her mother can get carried away so her clothes are always changing You ve got an entire human lifetime in front of you plus a ton of potential to grow up to be what you want Impressively talented at art and music and is pretty much guaranteed to be able to go professional at some point Too young to be properly prosecuted or imprisoned benefits from Missing White Girl Syndrome if anything should ever happen to her Stuck with parents for the next nine years they re nice but overly eager and will get paranoid when friends start drinking They do pay all the bills cook clean drive her around and in general go out of their way to take care of their daughter though Hasn t gone through puberty yet which means a lot of unpleasant experiences lie in wait Definitely not all that pretty and will never be homely is a slightly nice way of saying it Resoundingly underage with no qualifications and very little knowledge that can be useful to you legal minor with little
21. ay then can offer you three redheads at once and very beautiful Just with police hush hush hmm Age is ah yes The encounters last for up to six hours and while you can t request multiple partners at once the man on the end of the line who unconvincingly claims to be called Nigel and can t even pronounce it all that well will regularly call with offers that might include multiple partners These calls can get unwelcome if Nigel decides that he has a deal for you at an inopportune moment but he does learn your likes and dislikes The big drawback is that these people are real Instead of creating figments to your specifications the deal has real people matching your specifications called in to your location with no memory of how they got there and a powerful compulsion to have sex with you The power still has the same limitations as when it s not taken on credit and certain sexual encounters might get troublesome if you re caught red handed Anything you do to your partners will remain when they re sent back to where they come from Nigel claims that he borrows them during dreams and indeed he always offers people from regions where it s around midnight at the time Fame If you take this deal the Man with the Green Tie will just smile warmly and pull out a folded out contract and a Mont Blanc pen from his suit pocket It s a rather ordinary contract between an agency and an artist except for the fact that the fi
22. back in a hairdo that s probably been ripped straight from Orlando Bloom anno 2005 with a nascent five o clock shadow surrounding his soul patch He wears a black jacket and burgundy shirt with no T shirt allowing his Venus necklace to dangle down onto a patch of bare chest While driving he wears a pair of red tinted sunglasses he does drive with the high beams on all the time and sucks down B amp H Blacks like they were breathable air chasing each one with a spritz of wintergreen breath spray He s surprisingly surly once he s past his initial sales soeech he occasionally mutters to himself and swears out into thin air and the most eloquent reply you ve managed to get out of him has been fuck off I m driving By the time you wake up from an unexpected nap the sun has risen peeking over the canopies of a sea of pine trees The road underneath you is bumpy and uneven but that doesn t prevent the guy from doing 50 an hour anyway You don t recognize the scenery outside you must have gone pretty far in the time you were crashed out The man seems to have just finished a phone call wedging the phone back in the holder and grabbing the wheel properly again After lighting another cigarette there must be at least two more packs in the mountain of empties on the dashboard by now he reaches onto the passenger seat and pulls out a sheaf of papers dotted with coffee stains Excuse me very much for the silence like
23. c symptoms such as sweating and nausea in stressed situations Family is not only ambitious but also greedy amoral and leeching Cocaine addict with a steady hookup Hunter Steele Gun Nut Male 25 years old US citizen brown haired brown eyed Hunter Steele it isn t his real name is a mountain of a man with arms like tree trunks a barrel chest and a look in his eyes that could strike a man dead at ten paces He has a buzz cut and a layer of stubble that you could sharpen knives on and dresses like a typical off duty Marine Abs like corrugated iron and biceps like steel ingots Weapons geek and proud k ommando with seven automatic rifles and a huge stack of second hand military equipment at home Macho charm like you wouldn t believe at least with the women who like the silent and scowling types House is a deathtrap rigged with all kinds of explosives and alarms no one enters safely and that counts for everyone but him Not actually a Marine but a graduated shooter nerd who was dishonorably discharged for irresponsible use of service weapons Felony sentence for assault and battery all his weapons are illegal for him to keep and he falsely reported his stock at that At heart a poseur with a vulnerable ego and a short temper Stephanie Murray Vaguely Employed Female 20 years old UK citizen red haired green eyed Stephanie Murray is a typical example of what poetic types would call an unpolish
24. ce He s a scaredy cat and a coward who overthinks everything twice over and while he means well it often impairs his usefulness if he or a friend risks getting killed High most of the day though you wouldn t know it cannabis and opium are the only things that keep him sane as he s naturally neurotic in the first place and his job has completely fried his nerves If he s ever caught sober he s completely useless Insists on cooking but has a deficient sense of taste he s technically good but he over spices everything just so he can taste it Get ready for two teaspoons of dried sage per meal Louis Prefers Absolutely no one Dislikes Damn near everyone Will refuse No one If you personally ask Sloan who ll retch theatrically during your whole request Louis is technically qualified to be an observer and it seems like his bosses have a job or two to put him on that would benefit from him being out and about among the procedure recipients He s just as cranky about it as he is about everything else but you get the feeling that he hates being together with you a lot less than most other things he still doesn t really like it though A long haul driver by trade and amazing at it Actually he s a little too amazing he never gets lost can find his way to more or less anywhere as long as he can get there by car seemingly doesn t need to sleep at all and knows any car he sits down in like he s driv
25. credibly enjoyable playtime to any game and since the holder loses all sense of reality during the experience any plot holes or technical shortcomings won t be obvious The stone can turn watching Bloodrayne 2 into an enjoyable experience On the flipside then if the holder is faced with fiction that they didn t actively engage in themselves all hell breaks loose Showing a yakuza movie to an unsuspecting holder will convince them that scarred grizzled men with guns and katanas really did just bust in and start shooting people and the fact that it doesn t make sense will only sink in when the stone is removed from the person Luckily for the holder someone who knows the function of the stone can marshal up the willpower to throw it away they don t know what s real and what s not but they do know that they re perceiving everything as being real Even unsuspecting holders don t have any compulsion to keep holding the stone and they can perfectly well see that what happened was strange after discarding it The Kowloon Compass Coupons 3 This isn t really a compass in spite of the name it s a small glass bauble on a chain containing a small chip of concrete partially covered in red spray paint Merely wearing the necklace will give you an instinctive knowledge of where the bad part of town is and how to get to it While just wearing it doesn t tell you anything more specific it still lets you unerringly
26. d locations of your purchases are still clear as day There s no predetermined sum or time at which people will find out but generally the more careful you are the longer it ll take before the card brings you trouble Anyone who s ever had a seemingly unlimited sum of money between their hands though will know exactly how hard it is to keep oneself in check and the trouble will come at some point in the future Sex Slightly but very importantly different from the wish for love this gift will let you get sex without strings attached You receive a phone number starting with 555 if anyone but you attempts to call it they ll only get a busy tone If you call it a man s voice will answer you on the other end in slightly accented English and ask you what or who you want today You can only make one request a day and you can only ask for one person at once it is possible to get two partners at once by calling just before midnight and again just after taking advantage of the fact that the deal lasts for four hours but the man on the other end of the phone might get cross if you shamelessly exploit the system Fifteen minutes after the call the kind of person you specified will meet you at your current location wherever you are and be completely willing to have any kind of sex whatsoever It s important to note that the partners brought in by this gift aren t entirely real on one hand you won t have to have any moral qual
27. d by someone who doesn t know of its properties it s just a normal makeup kit albeit it s pretty well stocked and it never really seems to deplete no matter how much it s used Simply knowing the function of the kit and intending to use it then is enough for its main effect to activate The kit can be used to manifest actual physical changes if it s used on someone which takes about as long as it would normally take to apply makeup but only to the level of a tabloid Photoshop treatment It can dye hair with the use of a comb change eye color with the use of a varied stock of lenses change skin color using foundation and correct practically any and all deficiencies in appearance It can be used to change hair eye and skin color as well as remove existing blemishes without being uncanny while it can be used to straight out make a person more beautiful it s still that kind of plastic like beauty that doesn t normally exist in real life outside of Photoshop and plastic surgery fringe cases The kit can change minor physical elements aside from the face but they re limited by what one would normally use Photoshop for it can accentuate muscles and make breasts bigger but nothing more than that It can t create any unnatural skin colors odd eye and hair colors fit under the purview of makeup but skin color really isn t something that usually gets changed to an unnatural degree by makeup It can elongate or shor
28. eard a huge scar on his cheek and a pair of sunglasses that he never takes off His trademark shin length dark grey wolf fur coat is all but glued to his body he smokes Belomorkanal cigarettes like he was paid for it and speaks in a growly bass that literally shakes windowpanes Possibly the most intimidating person in the country a grizzled mountain of muscle and sinew whose snarling voice guttural Russian accent and seven foot height can make all but the most hardened criminal turn tail and run As strong as he looks with a build that makes most blows simply bounce off bring a gun or run away Knowledgeable and experienced when it comes to killing people and getting away with it be it poisons firearms or brute force He can clean up after all of it too Carries roughly six weapons on him at any given time all of which are illegal and or have the serial number filed off Keep him away from police searches Gloomy curmudgeonly and maudlin to the point of being angsty Will never shut up about how hard his life is and how hardened it has made him and has a throaty cynical one liner for every occasion they re all hopelessly unfunny Drinks like a kitchen sink Smokes like a chimney Does both where it s forbidden He ll share if you ask but he only drinks pull top plastic bottle vodka and only smokes Belomorkanal Defensive and uncooperative as soon as anything doesn t involve killing or playing cool React
29. easure trove of all sorts of curiosities and everyday relics that are every archeologist s wet dream will auction some off if broke but will act like he has to sell his own children Historical genius believe it or not a UCL educated Doctor of Archeology at a paltry 31 years old specializing in everyday articles of past civilizations Too low on self esteem to make much of it but has been published in Science once and fully deserves it and while he doesn t dare imagine it some people remember him and would do him a good turn for his eminent and quite honestly groundbreaking paper on cosmetics in Ancient Rome Helpful selfless and a fantastic listener he can listen as well as he can speak and he s not bothered in the least by people talking about their own interests for four hours in fact he loves it Gives great counseling and advice and would never dream of not being there for you if you ever need him Dealer in magical items of different sorts from the benevolent to the disturbing He loves each of his items as if it was a venerated family pet but will use them in tight situations if he has to and it pretty much always helps quite a lot He still has to keep most of them so he can distribute them on his superiors behalf though and his shop is always attracting weird people That neurosis Amir has no self confidence self esteem or self worth and he s skittish neurotic and generally all over the pla
30. ed beauty she s a little harried looking and doesn t wear makeup and her clothes are never ironed and always too big but it seems to fit her She usually hangs around one party or the other and at any other moment is usually at home in her council flat often smoking a cigarette on the balcony Good looking and knows how to use it Good head on her shoulders quick witted and fast on her feet and pretty bright at that Holds her liquor and a lot of other drugs like a champ and is a godsend at any party She has a ton of friends but all of them are chavs College dropout and at a pretty critical time at that Functional drug addict no one drug in particular just so used to not being sober that her body and mind freak out when she s sober for longer than a day Occasionally unpleasant with a tendency to use her looks and gender as a blunt tool hasn t paid for weed in a year and people remember it Eric Rainier Career Sleaze Male 18 years old US citizen brown haired blue eyed Eric Rainier is a skinny hatchet faced kid in a green hoodie and oversized cargo pants with greasy brown hair chipped teeth and a perpetual cigarette in his mouth He s technically on psychological welfare nothing serious just malingering and cheating his way to an Adderall script but gets money from his parents as well and sells drugs to people on his high school campus on the side Economically independent lives
31. eld for the artist s profession is also blank for you to fill in Through contrivance or coincidence you ll find success in whatever kind of artistic pursuit you write in if you ask for academic fame the Man with the Green Tie will suck his teeth frown and mutter something about we re not allowed to do that it clashes with the plans The fame won t be anything Beatles level but perhaps Phish level while you won t become seminally world famous you re still guaranteed to sell out Roskilde stages or put out best selling comics The contract will give you talent if you don t have it in the first place but it s a lot more effective the difference between Escape the Fate and Fall Out Boy to put it in emo metaphors if you do have it The rest is pretty much up to you you ll become famous but it s up to you what you do with it You can t get scandaled out of your fame but it can tint it if you act out like a cross between Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty you ll probably become famous for doing a ton of drugs and living the rock n roll life Conversely keeping a nice boy girl next door image will make your fame a nice easy to swallow household fixture and while you won t be invited to many pool parties you ll have a solid reputation Of course being famous isn t easy and this contract doesn t make it so you ll still have to deal with the myriad hang ups of being a celebrity and the contract will
32. en it for a lifetime Not too scary ina fight on his own but he has a few seriously uncanny tricks up his sleeve If he has to fight someone he usually just looks in their direction and something descends from the skies or ceiling and starts tearing wildly at them This something is a heat haze like blur in the air the size of a Great Dane with claws that are evidently razor sharp judging from the horrible cuts they make on their victim It smells of chlorine and ammonia and screeches like a cross between a housecat in a pitched fight and a garbage compactor chewing up scrap metal It s about twice as hard to wrestle with or otherwise kill as a Great Dane would be and it s almost invisible at that Cool headed intelligent and a jack of all trades he knows how to drive a car repair a computer repair household electronics field strip a gun fix plumbing and many other things He s not especially fantastic at any of these things save for the driving but he s solidly skilled in an amazing amount of things Probably not human and acts like it He s a good liar seemingly having only the barest sense of shame that only comes in when talking to potential recruits and never lets human dignity stop him from delivering a whopper of a lie with a completely straight face but he s also an emotional dead fish who doesn t really get people on an empathic level As a side note he does have a legal identity as the Birmingham born L
33. ertheless huge the bettor must put up the stake of their own free will with no form of coercion involved or the bet just doesn t take The most the owner of the deck can do is inform other people that they can actually make the bet after which any further attempt at coercion will prevent the cards from working The rule of thumb for being creative with these cards is that if it seems too good to be true it probably either won t work or will only work halfway but there are still a dizzying amount of uses for them The Man with the Green Tie As you stand with the items you chose in your hands Amir nods solemnly and takes an especially deep puff of his pipe He slowly exhales a large pearly cloud of flowery smelling smoke squeezing his eyes shut as if he was in pain Before you can ask him about it he holds up a hand to silence you almost instinctively bowing at the same time He takes another deep draw then ashes his pipe fastidiously in an ashtray that s just as ridiculously baroque and kitschy as anything else in his office Now that s your signing bonus You ve probably been told that you ll be given another signing bonus by the Man with the Green Tie no Amir takes one look at your face and nods the crease around his lips doing a good job of expressing pure frustrated weltschmertz You were brought here by Louis assume He s hmm different from the other Recruitment goons Most of the others know about as
34. ervice for a very pleasant price If you want to buy from me in person you re welcome You can choose one free deal to make with the Man with the Green Tie Any more you choose up to two more will come with a drawback listed under the purchase s entry If you think there s something in it for you you may also refuse him e Love If you take this gift you will always be guaranteed to have one true love It might not be perfect but you will always have a person in your life who really and truly loves you in a romantic and sexual way You don t actively choose them but they re drawn from people who match your tastes and preferences and you will never tire of each other You can still drive them away through being actively abusive with all the consequences being abusive to your partner and them running away from you normally entails but through chance or contrivance you ll find a new partner within a week to a month Drawback If you take this gift on credit your love is less constructive and more of a violation of a person s thoughts and soul Whenever you fall in love with someone no matter how many people are affected by the power already they will come to love you in return in spite of any incompatibilities between you They ll find themselves unable to resist liking everything about you and might either realize or remain unaware and both are negative Those who notice that their tastes are being twisted to like
35. ess is over and it s been for a few days by now Perhaps the most unnerving thing about the procedure was that it wasn t hard or painful you d have expected that there would be some sort of resistance or struggle between you the process and the blueprint but the speed and ease with which it happened was uncanny The last thing you really remember before the deal was finalized was the Man with the Green Tie noticing something outside the door and rushing out and as soon as you d registered that you were practically already waking up in a foreign but oddly familiar bed It hasn t been easy for the last few days but it s looking up you re getting used to your new blueprint though no one ever told you anything about exactly how the blueprints were chosen and why Louis did pop by once steaming on a crooked Benson amp Hedges and looking like he d been driving for days without rest but he was even more evasive than he usually was he stayed at yours for all of twenty minutes pounding a Special Brew while smoking four cigarettes then excusing himself after a tense small talky conversation peppered with periods of awkward silence Amir did call to say he d be coming over and giving you as much of a down low as he could but he had to call off two hours ahead because of conditions outside of his control and sent Sloan instead who just shot you a sour glance exchanged a few vinegary bromides and spent t
36. find any parts of town with a high crime rate If you hold the bauble in your hands and concentrate it can do three different things If you focus on finding a specific kind of service for example guns or drugs the concrete shard will gravitate towards the closest and easiest way to obtain these If you use it when you re already in a bad part of town it can give you a comprehensive knowledge of the area s history and basic street etiquette enough to let you fit in and mind your own business while you re there Finally it allows you to search for criminals just by willing it you can impose a filter on the bauble s function allowing you to narrow down your search to for example Russian gun dealers or low ranking Mob thugs selling cocaine The necklace s search function is actually quite reliable following your specifications in both letter and spirit and will never lead you into danger even when it might seem so It also lets you know where your goal is and how far it is allowing you to prepare in advance if you see fit In addition the necklace has a few passive functions When worn it acts as a good luck charm for any interactions with criminals deals won t go bad unless you really fuck it up you won t get completely fleeced and the threat of violence while not nullified becomes much smaller If you are under any threat from a criminal source an impending mugging a mafia ambush an approaching team of scamme
37. ght suddenly retire and pin you as his replacement or someone will scout you for a position that you re perfectly qualified for basically you ll be paid as much as is reasonably possible for your credentials This means that while you can make a lot of money with a janitorial job ministries and other high level governmental facilities need cleaning too you ll still end up making more if you have a business degree or a medical doctorate The gift doesn t make the job any easier and it doesn t prevent you from being fired if you really bollocks up something but even if you do get canned you have another well paying job waiting in a few weeks Drawback If you take this gift on credit the cons of I wish had a million dollars come into play You will receive a blank white credit card in a letter with no return address the seventh day after the deal This card s transactions will always go through without issue allowing you to make large cash withdrawals and Internet purchases all you want but there s not actually any money making it back to the service provider whether it s a bank or a shop and this will be obvious if the party in question actually takes a long hard look at their account history If you overstretch it at least one company will probably sic the police on tracing the garbled error messages that pop up instead of transaction records and while the error messages themselves aren t traceable the times an
38. he next half hour tapping her foot and brushing off attempts at starting conversation while waiting for her cab You did get what you paid for though and there have been no kinks or inaccuracies in the contract so far but that tenth page of the contract lying on your desk does seem a bit unnerving Project AHR End User s Manual Page 10 Terms and Conditions By making any form of edit or modification to these documents with any form of writing device checking any boxes entering any special requests you provide your legal consent to the following points 1 You will not disclose imply or hint at the specifics or generals of the Procedure to any person or entity who is not employed or in a contractual relationship by Cranmer Innovations and Developments LBG Us the Company or We in the rest of the document as the Client is assumed to always have had access to the Terms and Conditions Violation of this point will result in the immediate termination of any contractual relationship with the Company By making any edits to this document you agree to waive your legal rights regarding any personal injury or death whether physical or mental that might occur from the immediate termination of the contract 2 You will not act irresponsibly or incautiously in such a way that any law enforcement agency neighborhood watch volunteer group or corporation will be informed of the activities of the Company Violation of this po
39. him and leeching off his friendly nature They re ready to do just about anything to make sure the potential next Steve Jobs doesn t get fleeced and thrown out by mainly the Church of God s Angels and that their profits don t disappear with Matlock s career The Church of God s Angels has just bought up a very nondescript storage complex in a likewise nondescript hilly part of the country and they re talking in circles whenever they re asked what they ll use it for and the investors have coincidentally decided to all invest in the same bodyguard company with a reputation for brutality and a track record of handling crowds well All in all things look like they re going to get very messy Something rather strange happens on the night between the seventh and the eighth day If you were a slight bit less experienced with whatever it is that s going on you d call it a dream albeit a very real and chilling one By now though it seems hard to imagine that it s a dream or even that it s really reality The closest the feeling could be described in human words is that of being in two places at once there s a clear sense of you being back home in your bed sleeping soundly but also an irrevocable sense that you in another sense than your body are somewhere else Wherever you are it s cold It s less of a freezing cold than the very specific point at which it becomes painful your hands and nose sting and your b
40. int will result in the same consequences as the violation of point 1 3 You will immediately inspect any social network services your new blueprint uses for information regarding a Mr Lawrence Matlock If Mr Matlock is not on your friend contact list on any social networking services you use please inform our Junior Customer Feedback Receptionist Ms Sloan Browne You will receive feedback on whether or not your request has been accepted within 2 4 weeks Ms Browne is also available for other complaints but we offer no guarantee that she is available as our human resources are limited 4 You will not attempt to avoid cut short or otherwise interrupt any social interaction with Mr Matlock If you have signed any auxiliary contracts with our external contractor Mr Norman Kaufmann informally nicknamed the Man with the Green Tie our contract with Mr Kaufmann sadly obliges us to include a certain degree of countermeasures in order to serve his personal interests and we will have to include a personality element in your blueprint that will compel you to subconsciously seek out Mr Matlock if you attempt to avoid him We in Cranmer Innovations and Developments apologize deeply for this violation but the circumstances are out of the control of our company as we are simply a branch company of Mr Kaufmann s company Indeed looking at your friend lists you quickly find out that they include a man by the name of Lawrence Matlock a
41. ith deep bags under them and usually wears a battered brown fishbone dress shirt with holey jeans and holds a supermarket bag full of assorted groceries wherever he goes An amazing entertainer and party clown with fantastic story telling abilities and a vast imagination that makes it nearly impossible to figure out if he s lying or not Always repeat always has booze cigarettes and drugs If they have been confiscated he will find more He can find drugs in Japan and Australia at that and he ll only be dry in completely uninhabited wastelands Tough as nails and twice as stubborn he s hard bitten resourceful and can find his way out of damn near any situation alive Alive does not mean in perfect shape however Resourceful in all the wrong ways he s always making drugs from instructions he found on the Internet rigging together improvised explosives and finding new and inventive ways to get shitfaced Sometimes not stupidly resourceful but just plain stupid no common sense refuses to change his mind does puerile things for the hell of it Addicted to at least three drugs in excess of alcohol and cigarettes and will insist to the last that he s not even when in severe withdrawals Deep down just a slightly damaged escapist with no real future prospects who ll probably live a hell of a life but die at 27 Sandra Inouye Pro Wrestler Prefers People who know when to shut up potential r
42. ivals Dislikes People who re easily cowed teetotalers Will refuse N A Sandra won t refuse anyone even if she hates them if they re easily cowed she ll bully them and if they re impossible for her to beat she takes it as motivation Sandra Inouye is a relatively short and wiry woman with brown hair and that peculiar part tanned part Asian and part Caucasian skin color that s common in Japanese Hawaiians She wears her hair in a stumpy ponytail and mostly just wears T shirts and hoodies with tracksuit pants and all three are usually merchandise that she got for free She doesn t look like a pro wrestler with her clothes on but she definitely has the attitude Garrulous friendly and outgoing once she gets to know you if you re her friend at all you re her best friend and she ll always remind you of it Surprisingly famous among a niche group of women s wrestling fans she s competed in America and in Japan and has friends in both countries She also knows pretty much every wrestling themed bar in the Northern Hemisphere a surprising amount from the inside since she gets free drinks there Surprisingly good at teaching if not book smart and will gladly teach you how to defend yourself If you want to learn the ins and outs of women s pro wrestling too she s happy to help Of course she s also a professional herself and it s not just for show she s great in a fight and knows how
43. lds the stone on their person whether they re holding it wearing it as jewelry or stashing it in their bag experiences anything they witness as if it was completely real This has no effect most of the time as most of what people witness is actually real and on the plus side it works as a remedy against depersonalization and derealization episodes Of course it really gets crazy when used with things that aren t real The holder is unable to recognize fake objects unless they bear no resemblance whatsoever to the real thing they Il be threatened by a fake gun but will also wholeheartedly believe that the fake gun they re brandishing is real which can sometimes be an advantage Impostors who look at least passably similar to the person they re mimicking also won t be recognized The real fun part starts when fiction gets involved though If the holder is actively partaking of the fiction it s not that dangerous they Il keep on holding the book or the controller still being able to read the book or play the game but everything that happens in the fiction will be perceived as absolutely and indelibly real Someone watching Star Wars while holding the stone completely perceives themselves to be there right next to every shot of blaster fire and every swing of the lightsaber and the characters take on an unspeakably real depth that extrapolates from the actual movies This is of course enough to add about 500 hours of in
44. le of puberty while this means you ve got a lot of years ahead of you and quite some potential for change it also means that her everyday life is a morass of teenage drama and petty run ins with the law Impulsive and pettily moody everyone who s had their own teenage years will know what it s like A tendency towards risk seeking behavior motivated by a pervasive sense of cul de sac martyrdom over her suburban family drinks more than a 15 year old should and is quickly getting hooked on cigarettes not to mention the chaos her friends house parties tend to end up in Just a teenager in the end anyone seeking a blueprint with a clear set of talents and a finished education not to mention freedom from a well meaning but overly worried family should really look elsewhere Tools It s pretty obvious from the first glance that the gas station isn t exactly being used for its original purpose anymore The entire lot is festooned with signs proclaiming the station closed and the windows are boarded over from the inside but three cars are parked by the self service area and the light over the sliding door is still blinking softly The lot is nearly being overtaken by nature and the grass along the driveway is a waist height sea of weeds and thistles among stiff bristly straw but the path to the front door is entirely clear The sliding door glides open when you approach it its tracks obviously freshly greased The room
45. ll read you probably know Studied Spanish or Russian you should already know most of what s going on We re more how you say borrowing and you have to be careful not to make people suspect anything s wrong Very careful like He underscores the last sentence by grabbing the cigarette lighter out of the dashboard and mashing it violently into the ashtray sending a plume of noxious tobacco celluloid smoke swirling around the ceiling of the car It hits you that he hasn t been using the lighter before at all We re gonna give you a signing bonus or two cause we re going to be inconvenienced if you fuck up and seeing as we re trying to make a good impression we re compensating Send you past Amir for some goodies maybe even past the Man with the Green Tie if you wanna gamble He shivers visibly when mentioning the latter name pronouncing it in a way that leaves no doubt that it s capitalized He s interrupted however when his eyes settle on something in the distance a gas station on the edge of the road with a blocky motel building towering just behind it Slowing down he pulls carefully up to it looking out both side windows as he does so He presses a button on the dashboard and the rear left door clicks open Well guess that s it You still have a bit of time in the lobby to read the files By the way forgot to tell you my name s Louis The man Louis frowns a bit though it
46. m telling you only what know for sure He turns to pour himself another cup of tea his huddled body language making it quite obvious that he doesn t have the surplus for another word The girl Sloan lights another cigarette and walks towards you fixing you with a nasty glare and making slight waving motions towards the door Back in the reception Sloan immediately sits on the counter ignoring the chair behind it and takes a flaring drag of her cigarette that crackles audibly and sends embers spiraling down towards the counter Bloody hell This happens every fucking time Don t get me wrong now like that goddamn Leb but he always ends up gushing about his goddamn fianc e and his personal life every time we get a customer You ask me the Man with the Green Tie is just a businessman He ll give you a signing bonus because he has to but he ll try his best to walk away with a profit Amir s just such a goddamn bleeding heart milquetoast that he never caught on She shimmies a silver scrunchy off her wrist and loops it around her bleach blonde hair in an uncannily practiced movement all the while keeping her cigarette in her mouth this one a Parliament If I think you should know something it s that Mr Green Tie is different even from Louis I m not as posh as that over integrated Leb in there either I can fucking say that don t think Louis is human in the same way as the rest of us mean he
47. man in his thirties with a barely detectable Hispanic edge to his features with a thinning head of dark brown hair and an easy crooked smile As you look at his picture you remember who he is to your blueprint a friend of a friend of a friend who you met at a party you weren t sure you were invited to but he helped you in anyway He struck you as so friendly that he was bound to make enemies a gushing charismatic and deeply helpful man who seemed completely incapable of saying no to anyone As far as you remember he s an IT innovator who s deeply but unobtrusively religious a large amount of his income gets poured into various neo Christian charities and religious organizations He s not the kind of man many people would like to be involved with a blithe and charitable man who seems completely oblivious to the bitter conflicts he leaves in his wake He s a social butterfly who makes friends with the most unlikely and controversial people then brings them all to the same soir es and over the years it s led to the religious organizations he sponsors being locked in a vicious conflict with his investors who consider his religious bent and irresponsibly huge charitable donations to dubious neo Christian groups to be a blemish on an otherwise talented businessman Right at the present the conflict is dangerously close to boiling over on one side the recipients of Matlock s charity include the very literal minded Ch
48. ms about what you do to them or how you want them to look and act but on the other hand the pillow talk is uncanny as the partners cannot do much outside of having sex and accompanying things roleplay for example The partners can be any gender age and build that you want as long as it s even remotely biologically possible it doesn t matter if you have to point to the Guinness Book of Records or a tabloid picture it just has to be possible in real life by some stretch After the duration expires the partner disappears mostly they do so through contrivances such as going into the kitchen to cook breakfast and have a cig but if given no such excuses they ll disappear into thin air Drawback Taking this gift on credit can be slightly unpleasant The first noticeable change is that the man on the line will become a great deal chattier he ll mention something about a low level contract and laugh to himself at first but will refuse to answer questions about the inner workings of the system He does have a lot of life experience to share but most of it is definitely distasteful and or outrageously criminal He sounds like he s in his forties or fifties with a vaguely Slavic accent and a strange sense of rambling anecdotal gallows humor he s the kind of person who s unnerving at first then funny and finally grating He ll enthusiastically offer you all sorts of encounters and will go at length about tod
49. n a bender taste good but it won t save you from the inevitable Chicago 2 AM Revenge they will make the people you disagree with look like frothing lunatics with laughable opinions to you but people aren t less likely to believe them and they might make Duke Nukem Forever feel like the game it was supposed to be but in reality it s still the disappointment of the ages The glasses can also mislead you about what you re seeing as you have no instinctual awareness of what s been edited by the glasses and what hasn t you need to take them off to sense things normally To top it off there s only one available pair of them and Amir insists the ghastly red tint is necessary though he doesn t seem to know why Just try wearing them to a night on the town though e Pen of Prosperity Coupons 2 This is a well made though fake Mont Blanc pen with no specific distinguishing traits aside from the fact that it uses red ink It doesn t work until you use it to sign the back of a credit or debit card From then on though every good that you circle in a shopping catalog of some sort will be delivered to your exact location within 3 hours and if you happen to be near home it will be Louis who comes to deliver it The money will be drawn from the bank account tied to the card that you signed noted as a card purchase with no other information you cannot use the pen if you can t afford what you want to buy The products must be
50. n a terse yet distinct language name age birth date hair color eye color blood type race current address of residence height weight two personal quirks not enough to completely dominate or blackmail the target but enough to pretend to know them or seriously spook them and finally a frontal mugshot of them All of these are true as of the moment the portfolio is unaffected by any kind of mundane deception obfuscation or even lack of material Only certain kinds of magical effects can jam the power of the portfolio and for that to happen the user has to know that the portfolio exists The blueprint is of the target s home and is composed of three stapled together sheets a map of the surrounding area a top down view of the main floor of the residence and a slightly simpler sketch of each floor All three are accurate and meticulously annotated with optimal entry routes escape routes room purposes and even locations of importance such as the target s jewelry drawer The film is perhaps the most obviously magical of the items If you press a finger onto a piece of negative which would ordinarily ruin it while imagining the target in any situation at all the image will appear clear as day on the negative and can be developed as normal The image cannot show any other identifiable people besides the target silhouettes or generic men in suits are fine but not specific persons While the film can portray outlandish a
51. nd supernatural events they have no particular persuasive power at all and only people who believe in that specific type of supernatural phenomenon will pay it any heed at all others will just treat it as the fabrication it is The resulting photo has no clear identifying signs that it s a fabrication but also has no decisive proof at all that it s real it s up to the image and the circumstances if it will be seen as real or fake The ledger and blueprints cannot simply be recalibrated to target another person and the film does not reappear by itself True to the name of the item the portfolio has to be given some form of compensation You can return the portfolio to its original state erasing all information there but also making it available for further use by willing it so at any point after doing one of the following having sex with the target killing them severely traumatizing them or taking an important body part a finger joint is the absolute minimum for a trophy This item is not good for your sanity and especially not considering that the time you spend alone with the portfolio doesn t really feel like alone time The Tabloid Toolkit Coupons 3 This is a battered makeup case in hard wearing plastic large enough to have a handle and with the sorry remnants of a string of yellow nametag tape barely clinging on to the front that is the kind that might be found in any backstage storeroom all over the world If use
52. nto making your work famous you might be faced with straight out copyright lawsuits and no matter what you ll never be able to divorce a work created using the cup from its source material On the flipside it also means that you capture any key themes or execute any key plot elements at least as well as the original Using the cup also leaves you as completely knackered as you d expect from spending 24 or more hours straight writing as if possessed and you ll feel exactly as bad as you would if you did the same thing without the aid of the coffee cup You also can t break away from the writing of your own free will unless your life is in danger the cup is made to get your ass in gear and get you to write and that s what it will do If your life isn t in imminent and immediate danger you won t even be able to break away to make it to your own wedding and it also counts for eating and drinking unless the food and drink is right next to you during the writing process If you re physically pulled away from the writing device of your choice too all work you ve done so far is wasted You can use the cup as often as you want but every time you activate it more than once within a month makes the end result worse and worse The Devil s Playing Cards Coupons 4 This faded battered beer stained coffee spotted set of sticky playing cards looks to be at least three decades old if not more and the face cards are in Cyrillic at tha
53. omplete user s manual for something with so many possible results A small key is available to you in the beginning cobbled together from the fragments of magazine in the case and some of Amir s own tests each brand has one meaning when drawn regarding a person and another when drawn over a situation Marlboros mean predictable or the situation won t change Lucky Strikes mean deceiving without lying or the situation has hidden depth Vogues mean selfish at the core or one person is the key Newports mean they have nothing to lose or the situation is only going to get worse Camels mean they won t stand by what they say or the situation is delicate and Gauloises mean taking orders from above or look to the past for the answer As can be seen the omens are strange and diffuse but with enough notation cross referencing revision and careful attention the case can become one of the most versatile and useful magical items out there for its ability to cover basically every single possible situation in the world with some kind of relevant information Until then though it s maddeningly diffuse The cigarettes smoke just fine too and are humidor fresh Presence Stone Coupons 2 This object is most definitely a mixed blessing It s a small uneven brown pebble about half the size of a golf ball its only distinguishing feature being its oily luster Any person who ho
54. only make and keep you famous Also as a side note the Man with the Green Tie will actually act as your manager and agent in practice at least as far as everyone else thinks he s a former Warner Brothers hotshot talent scout and manager by the name of Norman Kaufmann who split off to found his own company In person he s nice avuncular and personable but has he ever got a gall bladder instead of a heart when it comes to business he works with making money and he d rather be slowly roasted over hellfire for all eternity than let a single cent slip between his fingers If you take this deal on credit you do get being famous for free You ll be allowed to coast through life like the rockstars only do on MTV being famous because the public coincidentally took a fancy to you and the media were eager to follow the trends You ll never have to do much more work than five six hours a week and you ll still remain famous even if you do nothing much However your fame is parasitic you become famous by riding on trends other people have created and stealing the spotlight away from them and you attract scandal like moths to a flame in order to remain in the public s eyes No matter what you do you can t avoid scandals and you ll attract more negative attention than positive think Miley Cyrus at the worst low point of her career and you re just about there Alternately continuing the emo metaphor a more famous Ronnie Radke Yo
55. ouis St James but his short pauses before he mentions his name makes it pretty obvious it s not actually his real one His job is more important to him than you are and while it won t always get in the way it s bound to do once in a while He comes and leaves the house at odd hours with no warning at all and he refuses to really tell you about what s going on though as you ve experienced he seems to feel guilty over bringing new people into the fold and he occasionally lets little clues slip His reflection is really goddamn uncanny while it has to be a proper silver mirror cameras are fine as are windows and any mirrors that don t use a silver coating his reflection shows in silvered mirrors as something completely non humanoid It s mostly reminiscent of something like a stunted bony winged creature with scaly greyish skin half the height of a human and hunched down even further It s hard to see mostly because it s always swathed in a cloud of noxious dark gray smoke speckled with unnaturally red embers Cranky cantankerous tetchy moody sullen crabby snappy bad tempered and at least half a dozen other adjectives He s especially bad on Monday mornings on which you re lucky if you get a reply from him that isn t a nasty vitriolic insult He doesn t hate you and might actually come to be wholly neutral about you he just seems to hate everything else Conditions It s done the proc
56. pportunity for more than one cohabitant You can also decline or leave an open invitation if you have no objections to who you will share housing with Even in the case that you give the open invitation however you can still file for the suspension of the cohabitation plan later if you severely dislike your roommate our clients are as dear to us as family and your needs will be catered to whenever we have the surplus The following is a list of existing project volunteers who have signed themselves up on the open invitation list If you do not desire a cohabitant we can also offer the opportunity for a company appointed supervisor whose duty will be to observe your daily life and report on any events of note to the Company as well as provide aid and protection in accordance with Document 3 2 15 apply to the Senior Customer Service Representative for a copy of this if it should ever become necessary e Cherry Tweenage Girl Prefers Middle aged men caring people with a long attention span Dislikes Middle aged women Will refuse Girls her age loners fastidious people with no time for her The girl known as Cherry could probably topple a few beauty pageants all on her own strawberry blonde hair crop tops hotpants a golden suntan plenty of jewelry and a body shape that s admittedly far from impossible but still quite a find She s extremely secretive about her real name and her real age too If you re the b
57. ragrance fills the hazy air at least two different kinds of tinkling music are playing and the surroundings are so garish that your senses immediately give up on parsing them When you manage to focus you see that the office has been converted into some sort of pseudo Victorian curiosity store that might only ever have existed in fiction all sorts of amulets robes censers scrolls bottles vials and decorative weapons crowd the carved mahogany shelves and the air is thick with smoke It smells like incense cannabis and something flowery you can t exactly put your finger on A lanky dark skinned man is hunched over the desk in the center of the room still just an ordinary Esso issue desk bolted fast to the floor at that poring over something that looks like an ornate set of scales which are seemingly irregularly twitching on their own He s not much older than Louis and probably a good five years younger definitely Middle Eastern with small round horn rimmed glasses a thin but dense mustache and a head of short wire brush stiff hair He wears a moss green djellaba with a bit of sparing Arabic embroidery around the collar and the sleeves and occasionally takes a puff off a small metal pipe in his hand It takes about ten seconds before he notices you at which point he nearly jumps out of his seat his pipe falling onto the table and sending a shower of ashes cascading dangerously close to a stack of papers Excuse me excuse
58. rains or the brawn Cherry s the beauty She s extremely beautiful talented with cosmetics a fashion genius and can wrap most men around her little finger Shrewd if not straight up smart and gets good hunches that usually turn out to be mostly true Has her own signing bonus Tabloid Toolkit that she s willing to share it s still hers though Not only down to fuck very insistent on it She will get clingy and pleading if you don t have sex with her at least weekly Histrionic and demanding and can get shrill and desperate if she s not in the spotlight Likewise obsessed with clothes and makeup and refuses to wear anything that doesn t make her look sexy in her own eyes Busy with her school social life and considers it more important than anything else even you no matter how well you get along She s still in junior high too with all that entails You re 99 sure she used to be a guy her idea of how tweenage girls behave is occasionally uncannily stereotypical and overly feminine and she s unnaturally insistent on reminding everyone that she s a beautiful young girl e Samuil Aleksandrovich Petrov Hard Ass Hired Killer Prefers Similar brooding and self important types Dislikes Women people under 20 Will refuse Anyone who wants to help reassure or change him Samuil is quite the sight a forty something Russian man at just past seven feet with a head of short greying hair a salt and pepper b
59. rawled really She s not exactly used to having people over and will complain incessantly but she s at least a reasonably mundane roomie even if she doesn t do much more than just be a roomie A master of minding her own business when she has to can spot a clue from miles away and will always keep out of your affairs Always fresh on a party and knows how to have a blast albeit her taste in parties leans towards snakebites in plastic cups and house music played from an MP3 player a party organized by her will always be fun Just plain old fashioned mean quick to pick a fight and hell bent on winning it even if she has to bite go for the eyes or grab cutlery from the kitchen She s not only nasty in a fight but also outside of it just the sight of her with something as improvised as a potato peeler leaves no doubt that she s already had a few good ideas how to use it on a person Gets completely fearless when she s drunk or on speed and she s one of the people for whom self confidence translates straight into skill If she gets tanked enough on Buckie and vodka she could probably pull off a bank robbery with a cool head but she s still not infallible and the problem is that she gets to think she is Acomplete wastoid who can t hold down even a McJob for more than a month and shamelessly leeches on any form of social welfare provided to her She Il steal and lie to keep from working and
60. reath steams ever so slightly As is common in dreams the elements unfurl themselves one by one snapping cleanly into existence as soon as you realize that they should have been there all along The cold white desk in front of you smooth to an unbelievable degree completely devoid of gnarls or imperfections The darkness around you less an ordinary absence of light than the strange and indelible feeling that you are not seeing anything because you should not must not Something glows from far above its sterile light far enough away to make the shadows of your fingers into a myriad spastic tangled half shadows That dream knowledge is stronger now the unquestioning acceptance that you must not look up that it is forbidden needing no excuse or explanation A sharp rap echoes in the darkness and the woman in front of you unseen until now but as all the other things about this place seeming like she s always been there and was always supposed to fixes you with a stare hidden behind her sunglasses She s less reminiscent of a businesswoman than a statue of a businesswoman a seamless pitch black suit jacket a tie of an unnaturally vibrant red hair like an oil slick and a pair of narrow black shades So Her voice is beyond uncanny it s less of a sound than a whip crack of reality sounding more like the laws of physics breaking like bubble wrap under a child s fingers than an actual application of acoustics
61. right to choose on her own Moritz Farber Baron of Porn Male 33 years old German Danish dual citizenship brown haired grey eyed Moritz Farber in personality occupation and looks is a 50 50 mix of porn instructor and businessman He s a slightly tubby man in his thirties with short curly brown hair a frizzy five inch goatee and a wide avuncular face He almost always wears a grey business suit and orange tinted glasses and he has a habit of stuffing the end of his hideous ties into his jacket pocket CEO and founder of the waggishly named Fornix Nature Films a lucrative porn studio putting out at least 20 relatively high quality videos a year The company does a bit of everything from stuff you could air just after the watershed targeted at horny 14 year olds to a seriously dense straight to DVD series by the name of Fetishes You Never Knew About Cheery open and charismatic with no trace of social anxiety could lie the IV out of a dying man and sell sand in the Sahara Aspiring politician of the slightly more offbeat kind in his native Flensburg and a surprisingly engaged community member with a fair amount of friends As a side note growing up halfway in Flensburg and halfway in Padborg makes him trilingual in German Danish and English Porn is hard work while an advantage of having people on your payroll who have sex for money is a free lay with a pro whenever you want it the dreary routine occasionally
62. rs the fragment will start madly flying around inside the bauble making a quiet but persistent tinkling noise If you touch the bauble during this time the concrete fragment will point towards the safest direction to go in Stalker s Portfolio Coupons 3 This is a simple black leather portfolio which would fetch quite the resale price if it wasn t so mutilated It s been scratched with compass points burnt with cigarette embers and slammed against concrete and that slightly flaky brownish patch that came off when you first held the portfolio doesn t take much guessing to identify If you think of a person while opening the portfolio for the first time that person becomes the subject of the contents if you re not actively thinking of anyone it instead chooses the one person you re looking for the most To name a person you need to be able to decisively identify them whoever was messing around in my garden yesterday night wouldn t work as that someone has no identifying traits that you know of however the frat boy who rear ended my car a year ago would As long as you can identify the target as one specific person with distinguishing traits they re a valid target The portfolio contains a ledger on the target a blueprint and a strip of 7 pictures worth of blank negative film The ledger contains a specific spread of information on the target scrawled in a tight and tangled handwriting and written i
63. rten the duration by one to two hours Makeup remover of any kind applied to the face will instantly dispel the effect Hollywood Coffee Cup Coupons 3 This white porcelain workplace coffee cup is printed with the slogan I Hate Hollywood the letters halfway worn off the cup The rim is chipped and the concentric coffee rings inside it would put a 700 year old sequoia to shame It has two functions one of which is rather more mundane than the other First off any coffee hot cocoa or whisky drunk from the cup yes you can sneak the whisky into the coffee judging from the smell of evaporated bourbon practically embedded in the cup you re not the first to think of it will always aid any form of novel writing scriptwriting or other job involving creating something textual for a work of fiction Coffee will perk you right up cocoa will give you a good night s sleep so you can write again the next day and whisky will put you into just the right maudlin ink spattered state of drunkenness to come up with something good The other function is that it allows you to create a text based work of fiction that is at the very least enjoyable in record time but it comes with a caveat If you destroy a physical copy of a work of fiction burn a Twilight book crush a CD with Mass Effect on it chop up a Naruto volume and put the sorry leftovers into the cup with a bit of instant coffee then pour water over it it will become a sludgy
64. ruitment you sign here on this dotted line and move you on to the others Gotta do it that way really the way things are we can t hand these gifts away like candy We did it once ways back and look what a name it gave us But enough of that This time we re trying to cut down on the strings attached though it s been a bloody mess is what it has It s a PR campaign like Since that bloody Jerry menace decided to write a play on it we ve been fucked Your eyes open blearily for a moment from a slight fit of drunken twitching and you think you see a bit of the man tall neatly dressed short black hair a little bit of beard and a necklace you vaguely recognize as the alchemical sign for Venus Now don t you overthink it mate It s now or never Identity It s been a long trip you think you fell asleep for a few hours along the way and your hangover is long gone The back seat of the guy s navy blue Lexus was just too goddamn comfortable for someone who s been sleeping a bender off on a bench not an hour ago It s not the kind of car you d figure belongs to a rapist or kidnapper of some sort it s Saskatchewan licensed and looks like it s straight out of the car dealer s You do get a good look at the guy during the drive however he s probably in his thirties pretty good looking but stuck in the 70 s when it comes to fashion He s green eyed and with short black hair swept
65. s with hostility to all attempts to help him no matter how much he genuinely needs it Will play coy by stringing along angsty remarks and then snap at you when you bring it up Rose Mitchells Tumblrina Prefers People who used the procedure to change gender social justice activists Dislikes Mathematical types right wingers Will refuse Outright bigots or homophobes super macho men Rose Mitchells could be used as a stock image for the word SJW she s a chubby woman in her very early 20 s with thick rimmed black glasses a puffy mane of brown hair and a taste in clothes that incorporates a very noticeable amount of ethnic patterns and fabrics She s seemingly never entirely at ease when she s happy she s fidgety and jumpy and when she s upset she s on a hair trigger Actually a very nice person despite her mood swings kind tolerant open minded and a good listener She s suspicious towards anyone who resembles a typical fedora neckbeards fedoras and black waistcoats set off her alarms but will still try to be nice just in case they are Intelligent and an interesting discussion partner she loves to think and she ll gladly bring her considerable IQ to bear if you need it A great though slightly preachy artist and absurdly productive at that and she does requests for free okay payment is in cocoa powder just to do something new Used to be a guy and will gladly admit
66. s impossible to tell exactly what nuance it s conveying through the shades and drives off at a dangerous speed left back door still open Subject List Project AHR Phrased for ease of understanding by clients Welcome to Project AHR the result of untold years of work and ambition Through this project we plan to effectivize our services nearly tenfold becoming able to offer high standard services to clients all around the world as well as alleviating the pressure placed on us by our business rivals We hope that you will support us in this sensitive development stage allowing us to kickstart an unrivaled service never before seen on the free market Checking any of the following boxes is considered to be an agreement to the Non Disclosure Agreement and Terms of Use on Page 10 All you have to do dear Client is to select one of the blueprints offered below There might be extenuating and or ameliorating circumstances applying to the blueprint and any issues relating to this are the responsibility of you the Client Due to complex legal and ethical circumstances we can only offer the blueprints as is and no alterations are possible nor allowed at this stage If you qualify for extra benefits as dictated by the Project further alterations will be possible immediately after the application of the blueprint We guarantee that there will be no form of unwanted mental alteration in excess of the explicitly mentioned points taking place as
67. s most cases as long as they re not outrageously rigged or the defendant is as guilty as a cat with a cream mustache and even then manages to win a lot of them Knows no fear she s not exactly a fighter though she does have a brown belt in aikido but can stare down men almost twice her size Brains and beauty all in one if she has to every suit button she loosens increases her chance of winning a case by 5 Respected back in the neighborhood and is a powerful rallying symbol for racial solidarity On one hand this makes it hard for anyone to slander her and makes sure that two or three housing complexes are unquestioningly on her side on the other hand she s expected to defend her friends and family no matter what they ve done to who and her high income means that she s the one who pays for Friday night barbecues back in the complex Stubborn to the point where it s a personality flaw becomes insulted at the very thought of backing down and will keep up an impossible struggle solely to say she went through with it Inhumanly hard on herself and almost as hard on other people well meaning but with chronic stress ulcers and doesn t make friends easily Social inheritance is definitely an obstacle her family is the least nice towards her in the complex and regularly mooches off her there are old pictures of her in baggy pants a Karl Kani hoodie and with a 40 of St Ives in her hand on the Interne
68. sh holiday His Tanta Feygele also makes enough latkes to feed an army and won t stop nagging until they re all eaten Getting up in years you have 40 years at best Not exactly an alcoholic but compulsively drinks himself senseless whenever something bad happens in his life Ex wife is an absolute nightmare and the worst thing is that her insults and accusations are mostly true Samantha Harper Cosplayer Female 23 years old US citizen blonde blue eyed Samantha Harper is the kind of person who s a mainstay at any con the cosplayer whose costume is only eclipsed by her tits She s deeply involved with the fan culture and has an ungodly number of friends as well as a frantic social life Would you look at that face and would you please then look down No seriously sweet Christ most people would kill to be her Everyone s friend in the cosplay community and very skilled at the technical aspects as well as the background material Speaks Japanese with only a bit of an American accent Very much the weeaboo interested in everything Japanese and very diligent about researching it Kind of histrionic and gets surly and sour if people aren t paying attention to her The center of a lot of drama in her friend group and looks ever so slightly down on her friends Considers herself a geek girl and pretends to be a fan of a lot of things she has neither the initiative nor the attention span to
69. t They definitely bear signs of having been through a lot of different hands over the years and some of the cards are so beaten up that most casinos wouldn t allow them if you can count cards at all you can count these That goes for both you and your opponent The margin of the Queen of Spades holds a single line in a tidy but almost illegibly small handwriting Damnation is a matter of choice The power of the cards then is both very straightforward and headache inducingly complex in practice If a willing bet is made over the cards before a game with two clearly defined sides each side can wager an immaterial intangible or otherwise normally untransferrable concept The winner takes the pool and the loser walks away with jack Now this is where it gets complicated Almost everything can be wagered on the game as long as the concept in question belongs to the bettor This includes things such as emotions capacity to feel emotions memories lifespan personality aspects talents life situations and even gender or identity If the winner already has something mutually exclusive for example gender or identity their new acquisition takes priority The loser completely loses what they put up and in case of an unwise bet this is capable of killing them or rendering them completely nonfunctional for example a bettor losing his bet of the rest of his lifespan or another bettor gambling her sanity and losing The one caveat is nev
70. t and the S in her middle name stands for Shaniqua and her family would be mortally insulted if she was to change it Katherine Cat Sellers Emo Kid Female 15 years old UK citizen black haired actually blonde blue eyed Katherine Sellers is a straight up remnant of 2009 she s skinny in a pale and bony way with dyed black hair dead raccoon makeup and a penchant for pseudo occult necklaces She owns a seemingly endless assortment of black leather jackets with a few superfluous zippers tight grey jeans and emo band T shirts topping it off with either a pair of clunky combat boots or a pair of clapped out high top Converse sneakers Her life is pedestrian in the good way she has no job to tend to no real enemies and no real problems in her daily life While she s of course unpopular among the cool kids of her own conscious decision she has a solid circle of similarly stuck in 2009 friends who lament the decline of emo music together after school every day They re not exactly competent but they re good friends and almost always up for fun Actually artistic and not just playing at it plays guitar in a band by the name of First Time She Died and discounting the terrible name and embarrassing lyrics they re actually pretty damn good for a bunch of teenagers She s pretty poetic too and her poetry is reminiscent of Baudelaire in a good way She s not bad looking either Smack in the midd
71. ten hair by up to six inches as well as enlarge shrink or alter the shape of facial features There s technically no upper limit to the level of beauty you can create with this item but at a certain level the results start hitting the leftmost edge of the Uncanny Valley To use the toolkit you need to have at least a passing idea of how to put on makeup not much but if you haven t ever done it before you ll need at least a few hours of practice or the results will end up looking horribly uncanny The more proficient you are at putting on makeup the more you ll be able to get out of the kit initially it ll only really be useful for clearing away pimples and changing hair and eye colors to mundane shades but after a few weeks of getting familiar with it it can be used for all the functions described In addition the more practice you have with it the more beautiful you can make yourself or another before toppling headlong into the Uncanny Valley A few months of practice will likely be enough to let you look like a completely different person and even a different gender while the core physical composition of a subject s body can never be changed and neither can their voice time for practice the kit can still perform enough cosmetic changes to fool someone visually if the subject is clothed The effects of the toolkit last for about six hours strenuous physical activity getting wet or horrible weather all sho
72. the only thing she ll do in her daily life if she has a choice is hang around the house in her tracksuit smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and doing whatever drugs she can find Still has her job with the company and occasionally gets dragged away to do something she won t tell you about Most of the time she s back on time but occasionally she s on a job that requires her to drown her sorrows afterwards and Sloan gets violent and irrational when she drinks to forget Not a good companion in a social context unless you re really dealing with the lowest of the low she has greasy bleach blonde hair with grown out roots wears a stained Adidas tracksuit and has a pasty acne cratered face Etiquette is completely beyond her too Amir ibn Mostafa ibn Tawfig Walking Neurosis Prefers I m alright with whatever thank you Hobbyists history geeks artists Dislikes Oh no couldn t Hang on l Il make tea Anyone who dislikes the kind of art you can pick up and touch Will refuse Do you think he could If you ask Amir whether he d like to apply for cohabitation as your observer he ll practically be over the moon with delight knocking over most things in the room and constantly pausing to apologize for it He s exactly the same in private as he is in business nervy neurotic apologetic and one of the most honestly nice and caring people you ll ever meet Collector extraordinaire with a tr
73. tions unless say so and if you get too nosy l II have to leave You in on it The man evidently takes your silence as an affirmative and takes another deep drag of his cigarette before speaking Look it s a long story Convoluted as all bloody hell too I d just end up sounding completely daft if was to explain any of it beyond what have to yes even crazier than I m gonna sound right now There s a lot of people and things involved like It spans quite a bit too actually if was you I d thank my grandfather Without those few things he did this would never have happened Butterfly effect like But enough of that The man lights another cigarette this time you notice that there s no telltale click of a lighter just a muted flare of fire and the crackling sound of burning tobacco Don t laugh innit Just to be safe don t scream cry or anything else really Because of circumstances like I ve been told should give you a new chance yeah That means all of it really l d reckon you can fix everything you re not satisfied with I ve let a little bird tell me you always wanted it Before you want an explanation it s like this fuckin butterfly effect mate Someone did something ages ago and it escalated The man pauses for just long enough to be a tiny bit awkward Bloody long time really Fuck how it s been a bloody long time Never mind that mate I m just Rec
74. to look impressive while beating someone up Loyal proud and honorable and it s a mixed blessing She never lets anyone take back an insult or hurt a friend and no matter what the circumstances she won t let go of someone who s pissed her off until one of them is in the hospital Uncomfortable and distrustful around new people as expected of someone who s constantly moved back and forth between three cultures her whole life She s standoffish and suspicious around everyone until she s really gotten to know them over a few beers A bad drunk and a heavy drinker She s okay for the first three beers your best friend in the whole world for the next three and past that she becomes either an overdramatic sobbing wreck or hair trigger aggressive Something to prove perhaps from her life before the procedure She never says no to a challenge no matter what and she s a sore loser while she won t doubt the results she ll be in a horrible mood for days whenever she loses anything and won t rest until she s gotten revenge Sloan Browne Ex Charver or so the company says Prefers Down to earth people who like to party Dislikes High brow pretentious or intellectual people Will refuse Most people if she was allowed to she isn t Asking Sloan whether she s willing to be your observer will elicit a reaction that s more at home ina teen movie than in reality eye rolling retching and a drawn out d
75. u ll be swimming in money sipping Dom Perignon in Jacuzzis the size of a parking lot while surrounded by supermodels waking up to freshly imported Colombian cocaine and eating for free at Michelin starred restaurants for the publicity but eventually you ll turn all of show business into either your bitter enemies or just lampreys who want to feed off your fame and your tendency for scandal means that your fame gets you a lot fewer favors than you d assume You ll be plagued by paparazzi be blown up on the front page of The Daily Mail and appear on prime time talk shows God have mercy on your soul By the time you die very few people will honestly miss you Companion Project AHR End User s Manual Page 9 Due to the large scale nature of the project we can also offer the opportunity to assist with a sub project designed to measure the effects of the project s procedures on social interaction at an everyday level as well as the interactions between different recipients of the procedures If you as the Client so desire you may choose to make yourself eligible for cohabitation with one and only one fellow volunteer for the Project The other subject will be chosen through analysis of personal data coupled with a personal meeting in which you can interact with your potential cohabitant Due to scarcity of resources and in the interests of neutral research results we sadly cannot and will not at any point be able to offer the o
76. uestions He holds an uncannily brief pause to gulp down his tea in a single mouthful it must be half sugar by now A quick sniff of the air above your cup is enough to tell you that this stuff is not for you or indeed for anyone but Amir it seems like there s orange peel rose petals anise cloves cinnamon and untold other spices in it and it s blacker than a moonless night In short I ve been told to give you five er coupons to acquire supplies with These aren t physical so simply please bear with Management lII tell you how much something is worth can t answer you on how they work why they work who made them how old they are or really anything else than what they do and how to use them If knew still wouldn t be allowed to tell you Well choose as you will everything here that can t be used to make tea is allotted for requisition e Amir s Old Pipe Coupons 1 This plain wood and metal pipe is made to smoke cannabis and has definitely seen its fair share of everything herbal that can be smoked it s stained and greasy and the smell alone is enough to make it any drug dog s field day If it s lit without anything in it anyone who smokes it will feel the effects of smoking weak but pleasant hashish it might take half an hour of smoking to really get high and it s not really viable for groups but it s convenient nonetheless and never gets unpleasant to smoke If
77. urch of God s Angels who believe that angels are not only metaphors or immaterial messengers but walk the Earth in human form and can be called down to aid the faithful The Church of God s Angels suffered a massive setback five years ago that nearly killed the sect they d given a 12 year old girl in their community a lot of media exposure for her unshakable faith and talent for making the otherwise flaky sect seem like something beautiful When she herself decided that she wanted to pray for a friend who d gotten sick they let her pray for as long as she wanted and only opened the door to the prayer room when raided by the police after two weeks and ordered at gunpoint to open the door and perhaps as expected the sect had let the girl starve herself to death The Church of God s Angels is getting back on its feet by now thanks to Matlock s donations even if some of the scandal and outrage still sticks and they are not about to let Matlock be stolen away from them On the other side stand Matlock s investors who consider him the best thing to happen to IT since Bill Gates or Steve Jobs Matlock is charismatic creative adaptive good CEO material and with a serious knack for making just enough money that he comes off as neither untalented nor greedy They worry for his future though he s flaky and very religious in private and he strews money around to different religious groups who his investors suspect are manipulating

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