Echo27 [ENG].docx
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1. Then he smiled dissipating all sense of sadness do remember something he said discovering was standing next to him We looked at each other for a while I think you remember quite a lot smiled looked at my mom She smiled at me She knew She knew everything 28 Evening Don t wait for me I m going to be late said standing in the door to his room WOAH HEY WAIT he yelled when I was opening the door backtracked to his room What He didn t move his ass He was sitting on his mattress dotting notes in his notepad Where are you going he asked biting down on his pencil And with whom he asked lifting a brow felt like he was taking all freedom away from me with those two questions With nobody need to take care of something Alone Seeing him unimpressed with my answer knew I had to add something more and quick need to go to work to do something really was explaining myself like a moron It s late Can t you just leave it till tomorrow he asked rolled my eyes just remembered and it s very important have to do it otherwise won t be able to sleep tonight I was counting on some action today he said l ll make it up to you can take my leave now my lord and master could feel my patience evaporate You can Be careful had to go back to our old hideout To search it again without Nazarij being scared of his own s2. imagined that allowed him to walk away That gave him to the hands of let s just say that guy over there the guy was already ripping apart in my thoughts Am ever going to be ready to allow anyone else s hands to touch his broad shoulders His lips His red soft hair loosened the death grip had going on Which saved the life of my last pencil Just yesterday had said we could remain friends after all It wouldn t be easy But think could manage Nivan didn t seem as exceptional to me as he did just a few months back was infatuated with him then Poisonously in love I m not sure when that changed When started to notice his vices noticed many things which had eluded me before knew the way he smiled at that guy was a cover up It was a lie added two and two And understood a lot of things But still wasn t sure knew exactly what Nivan was capable of believed he had a good heart mean knew he did But his body was conquered by his head and not useless feelings You are important to me Marcin Important wanted to know what exactly those words meant in Nivan s mind The Redhead didn t feel the need to talk to me He didn t have the urge to open up at all To talk about the events of any particular day As it turned out he wanted me to talk he wanted me to tell him everything that was going on Despite me believing that disturbed him by doing so He very often
3. But he stopped when it got hot whined in disappointment won t be able to today he said his lips still touching my face I haven t had much rest lately and all that I know you don t have to explain said put the ashtray back on the table and opened the window wider Nivan switched off the table lamp We fell asleep cuddling together like an old married couple Sitting another day in the boring white box still had no clue as to what the guys next door did in that hole of theirs only heard the pissed voice of Niv and equally angry one that belonged to Alex Listening to these voices couldn t wait to go to the studio and record To shout out all that still lingered on my liver To just wear my throat down was ripped out of my daydream by Niv storming out of their totally hyper top secret room You going home with me he asked almost barking Chill said because felt his need to let it all out on me I still have an hour to go You can excuse yourself you know he said already pulling his biker jacket on If that s the case then l m coming replied throwing all my stuff into a bag By bike asked smiling Yes Wait have to get a second helmet from those idiots said Niv And so he did as he said What happened that caused you call your best buddy Alex whom you defend always and everywhere an idiot asked when we stepped into the elevator pushed
4. He was talking about how we met again About work and the flat But he skipped over all the unpleasant facts we managed to produce and he didn t mention us being together was looking for you said finding him sitting on a bench next to the pond Granddad asked me to look at his PC so disappeared for a while 19 got tea and biscuits he said taking a couple of them out of his pocket I decided to relish the moment out in the open They won t last will they said sitting down next to him Nope Want some he offered me the cup of tea without the biscuits the miser Nah thanks We sat like that listening to the frogs and bugs Look at the sky The stars are awesome here he said letting his head fall back and watching the navy heights didn t get to say anything as heard mom calling PII be right back said heading towards the house Mom stood in the door wiping her hands on a tea towel What is it Maybe you two could stay the night You shouldn t be driving in the dark she said My brows shot north Umm yeah but Father and Yun are away and not coming back until late tomorrow she said Please stay granddad and would be delighted to have you both stay knew arguing with mom is a lost cause She always wins Okay we ll stay PII get you fresh linen and towels later even have a new toothbrush that you two will have to share somehow After
5. Come It s not far not far at all He didn t stop WHAT DID YOU DO yelled trying to free myself from his grip WHAT DID YOU DO WHAT DID YOU DO When tears gathered in my eyes when shook in the cold and from fright he smiled He smiled with his beautiful bright smile Come He was walking backwards now with that smile still on his face Come Sariel come We entered a meadow covered in snow bright with the moon reflecting in it Surrounded by tall black trees made you an angel Sariel Snow White Snow Red Wings made of feathers Made of different sets of birds wings They weren t white They were multiple colors Many many birds And in the middle of those wings colorful beautiful lay my angel Red from blood With dead white eyes And pale skin Like chalk 33 was choking on my tears My angel was my foster brother The youngest son of my foster parents 34
6. took him into my hand to make sure wasn t making stuff up Lazily opening my eyes lifted my head and with a really intelligent look on my face said You re hard You don t say smiled cheekily What was it that was coming back to you Memories What kind of memories said while massaging him through the thin fabric of his boxer shorts You know what memories I m talking about he said half angry half relaxed I m not quite sure what a highschool boy can think about his best friend Don t torment me he said seeing my smile Is that what have been doing to you asked still massaging 24 You were doing it with your lips he said and lifted my brows all sleep forgotten Really was satisfying your needs with my mouth asked not really believing his words You should rather ask what it was you didn t do said Niv and felt used in thousand different ways Oh Karma was such an innocent boy didn t see it Yeah sure If it wasn t for your moves probably wouldn t have been thinking about it was innocent did it all without any hindsight said continuing to massage Shall remind you how you rubbed against me Well it was pleasant so rubbed said laughing at myself Eh he sighed heavily You had good fun and was dying here Nivan in love would love to see that said with a smile And that s when noticed his gaze
7. Maybe that s not such a good idea Your mom is just next door They moved their bedroom a while ago he said But feeling my rigidness he pulled away and frowned You don t want to he asked and felt the blood leave my face I do but But what We ve already talked about it It s the same with you sleeping next to the wall Why is it have to yield to you all the time If you really want to sleep next to the wall then go ahead he said sitting on my hips Oh Karma you are so dumb sometimes He crossed arms over his chest If you are you bothered by the fact that you always bottom for me he stated you can be on top if you want He said it with that sarcastic smile of his and felt anger rising in me 22 Well then it s game over for you tonight said with a wide smile Get off of me tried to buck him off In your dreams he said blocking my hands He smiled insolently Be careful before treat it as rape And what then he asked while was trying to get away Without result PII bite your dick off My dick will be inside you long before that So l Il bite it off afterwards And then it s you who is going to be fucked in the ass Resigned stopped struggling and dropped to the pillow Nivan was silent for a while looking down at me don t want you to associate me with anything you know unpleasant You know well couldn t hurt you You are tu
8. treated me like an annoying fly always buzzing over his head Could it be that my chattering was important to him Sex That is the one thing which binds us most strongly But the fact is am not the best ass in the world as there are many things don t like I m sure he s had many pale asses that were better more willing He could have anyone with no fuss I m good at making him come But that s not enough Nope can t cook make a mess at home which he hates yelled at him and hit him hard But dyed his hair and shaved the side This doesn t make sense Why am I so important to him asked myself Because he fell in love with me once Because was his first love Was Nivan actually capable of love Maybe because Nivan was so unpredictable perhaps that s why was still wading into this Deeper and deeper Until drowned in it Until choked on my own curiosity Later That same day heard him open the door and take off his shoes Heard him sigh in the heat that wasn t letting up even after sunset He knocked on the door to my room smiled because he finally did what wanted him to do He wasn t avoiding me he wanted to see me straight after returning home He didn t go to take a shower first nor to have a bite to eat The first thing he did was come to see me It made me happy He smiled back Why Was he happy for the same reason or did he just mimic the movement of my
9. Author notes available at the beginning of chapter one Note from the translator This is not a word for word translation So there will be words missing or words added when comparing the original tried my best not to change the contents BUT sometimes just had to The thing is that Kyoux plays a lot with form and tense and that made it that much more difficult to translate wanted to leave as much as possible as it was in the original so that the atmosphere and her writing style were reflected And that might get English people confused sometimes as it probably would be written differently if the correct English were used Of course you ll find mistakes in the text so please instead of mocking my language skills just sit back and enjoy a beautiful love story decided to try and translate it because adore their story so much that it would be a pity for others not to be able to read it Especially since the artwork that goes with it is so beautiful This piece took 13 hours to translate so if you don t like the way it s done please pay me some respect for the hours I ve put into this and don t read But really hope you ll like it as much as do Sorry for the awful poem translation but poetry is something that is better left alone just hope it ll do for the purpose of this story though Note from the editor When I recently began editing this story was struck not only by the beauty of the prose but by the quality of the
10. Ehm okay she said Then congratulations guess saw her looking at Niv who was taking off his shoes in hope of a confirmation of some sort don t think she believed me Really she asked confirming my suspicions Yes said Niv Oh you two surprised me that s all It surprised us as well said putting my shoes away took the bags from Firka The three of us were bustling around the kitchen Firka was looking awkwardly at us at Niv especially How did it actually happen she asked finally Well Nivan asked and agreed said putting the cheese and ham into the fridge Nivan Really Her eyes went even bigger The Redhead grimaced Hey who do you think am he asked throwing the tea towel over his shoulder smiled to myself just wasn t expecting it she said quickly Did you two have a heart to heart talk about everything Yes said looking at Niv trying to give him a broad hint Phew she sighed with relief Because you know the whole time was away was scared that there would only be one of you here on my return Such a lovely surprise she added with a radiant smile We looked at each other for a while Me and Niv think we both tried to imagine a situation just like that It was Niv who almost moved out Even if he had decided to do so wouldn t have let him Firka needs him too much Even more than me It would have been me who moved out
11. Surprised maybe a little shaken Something inside me knotted said it as joke not expecting anything was scared wasn t sure what was scared of most A confirmation or denial We looked at each other for a while Our eyes wide open In that moment didn t realize what his gaze meant He too probably wasn t aware of what my face was Saying We didn t go into details Do you have a condom asked wanting to get out of the situation Nivan frowned You said you didn t want to My image was used so many times in this bed so guess it s a good idea to celebrate the fact by putting it into motion Wallet in my pants Why am not surprised rolled my eyes and got off the bed Don t tell me you don t have one Since know you always have one stopped bothering said approaching the door Quickly and silently skipped to the bathroom to get what was required splashed some cold water onto my face since felt hot once again looked at my own reflection in the mirror for a while and then went back to the room started worrying my mom caught you Niv said comfortably spread over the bed Catch threw the condom at him which he expertly caught like the ninja he was Make some space said and Niv scooted over Before jumped into the bed took off my boxer shorts And now take care of me so that can feel comfortable too Nivan only smiled and was practicall
12. and junk we could spend some time together the three of us Okay An awkward silence ensued The word relationship hung heavy above our heads and neither of us could actually relate to the fact As a rule we should have felt more at ease with each other but quite to the contrary we felt is if we had just met That we were only beginning to know each other whilst at the same time being aware that we were mutually attracted This is pathetic said not being able to handle the awkwardness anymore The playful Nivan disappeared somewhere he stood there rigid and embarrassed And after what had just said he looked like he was ready to bolt Okay I m going otherwise I m going to be late And you chill lam relaxed he said automatically letting his shoulders fall You look like was about to take your virginity added not able to hold back ran out of the flat a little scared of Niv was laughing a bit inside at the expression Niv was bound to have on his face Firka came back There were two sides to it One was that the time of total intimacy ended one we didn t really use And the other was totally awesome Firka was back and we stopped fighting although we still behaved like total morons And best of all we could finally start recording the album You can t imagine how glad am to be back she said lying on Niv s bed She was looking at us upside down her head hanging down of
13. if we hadn t been able to fix things between us The next day Riding past the meadow The one where everything started closed my eyes and snuggled tightly into his back not wanting to reminisce about what did that day We were riding his bike to his parents house on the outskirts of the town was curious to see what had changed there yet on the other hand was afraid of what was waiting for me had changed hoped wouldn t scare Niv s mom to death with my pierced face because she used to like me wasn t getting any hopes up felt that the only reason Nivan was taking me was because he was scared to go there alone Since we began living together he had been home maybe a total of three times So something must have happened that makes him avoid the place The fear of introducing me to his mom was smaller than facing them on his own Leaving the bike in the front yard felt my stomach knotting The house hadn t changed all that much It was well kept surrounded by flowers and bushes the names of which didn t know Perhaps someone who lived in this neighborhood would say otherwise but for me someone who had lived in the city his whole life it was just magical After taking his helmet off Nivan tried to comb through his mane with his fingers to give his hair a semblance of order liked the stubborn chaos on his head It s nice here Niv said giving him my helmet Mom always had a good
14. on us And we would be punished as usual Can t we leave it till tomorrow said It s late No no We can t Tonight tonight Come He was pulling on me So got up Not rushing at all put my slippers on And still only half awake followed him He was wearing only his pajama bottoms and a sleeveless shirt It was only after a while when realized he was wet all wet When we approached the front door frowned It s outside What were you doing outside in the middle of the night asked It s really cold It really was cold Winter came early and there was a lot of snow Come with me come You have to see this For you made it He was babbling as if he d lost his mind was afraid of him by now Okay but wait Stop pulling me like that said wondering about his unusual behavior I need to put a jacket and boots on You should put something on too added calmly 32 He was impatient He shivered pulled a jacket over his wet cold skin and he in his slippers led me into the woods Are you mad stopped I m not going there at night Don t be afraid will lead you he said pulling on my hand And all of a sudden when we were walking like that through that dark gloomy forest started to feel uneasy Something terrible A premonition What did you do for me asked following him felt my voice quiver You ll see you ll see WHAT did you do yelled
15. the button Because sometimes can t deal with them say one thing and they do another And then have to explain everything to the head moron Head moron being our boss Just think of tomorrow when you re off You ll get some rest I m sure it s just the exhaustion knew wouldn t get any details on the case so was left with calming him down don t have the day off lifted my brows Before could ask he stormed out of the elevator rolled my eyes He walked fast as if he wanted to get away from me caught up at the bike grimacing was pissed decided not to ask that didn t care why he was in such a mood why he didn t have the day off Yes really had it deep in my consideration Why is it you don t have the day off asked anyway thinking would land in hell for my curiosity need to go for dinner with my family Well that s great having a feast and all that said inwardly begging Karma for patience while was pulling the helmet on He stood there looking at me like a cat wanting food What 2 yelled threw my hands up not understanding what he wanted of me You are coming with me Come again grimaced I m sorry but missed a please in that sentence Come with me he said gently was silent looking at him coldly Will you go with me Dropping his gaze he finally sort of asked smiled See you can be polit
16. translation Both the author Kyoux and translator Schiotka are incredibly talented and their combined effort allows English speakers across the globe to enjoy this stunning story I d like to take credit for playing a part in bringing you this chapter but feel that would be in many ways unnecessary To be honest all really do is add commas Please take the time to read this chapter carefully and allow yourself to be captivated by the lust fear heartbreak humor and love revealed through the writing We hope you enjoy it Dear Moon you swiftly climbed up to the blue heights and with uncertain snow you covered the skies And your rays uncertain pale and silver Reflected in the clear crystals of the ice The Moon by Juliusz Slowacki 27 Winter Marcin Nivan Winter He was like an angel It seemed that he wouldn t have any trouble finding a new home a new family Because with those big ocean like eyes all women fell in love But said angel had a dirty soul The quicker these women took him the quicker he came back And despite the fact that the women knew of all the problems he was bound to cause his appearance put them under a spell without him breaking a sweat was jealous of the attention he got from everybody Balling my fists watched how time and again he was taking another woman s hand only to be brought back While waited for months on end for a new family among all the other children w
17. want to show off the masterpiece he s creating could almost feel his frustration his impatience was waiting for it was waiting for that feeling to consume him like it did me once entered through the door once broke through turned the flashlight on In the past was proud of being in this place among so many talented people Although never showed it to anyone It was me who was most important most talented It was me who learned himself all he knew It was me they were supposed admire was proud magnificent Full of shit wasn t one to be bossed around for long so made my own group was finally about to do what wanted most Those who admired me started hating me because was faster than them Back then me Alex Rav and Sonia we had everything we wanted What s funny is that very little of my and Alex s wealth is left Because the more you have the more you spend On stupid things that give you only a moment of happiness found myself in the room where buried all the memories of him still sensed the lingering feelings of jealousy desire and knowledge which had long been covered by dust We were drawn to each other like magnets simultaneously hating each other We were cheating on each other We loved the passion between us Poisoning each other Somewhere deep inside even back then already knew we would never have a happily ever after Thinking about him looked through th
18. ably It s your fault he said Sure of course Everything bad is Marcin s fault And all that s short added smiling bitingly Nivan hit me with a pillow Ouch you said you wouldn t hurt me said laughing You re not made of sugar stop whining he replied smiling I m going to get rid of this he said showing me the used condom rolled my eyes at him You don t have to show it off to me Forgive me your sugar highness could do with being in a relationship with a sugar butter biscuit prince you know said to myself because Nivan had already disappeared through the door Did you sleep well Niv s mom asked as soon as came down to the kitchen Um yes said pushing my hands into my pockets as if caught red handed But it wasn t my place to explain anything It was between Nivan and his mom Niv is still in the bathroom he Il be right down Good good The breakfast will be ready in a minute It s good that you two are up Yeah today is an exception Normally when we re off we sleep late Do you have to get up early for work she asked bustling around the kitchen on the other hand was looking around the living room where noticed an old piano Depends Morning shift starts at eight and for the late shift we have to begin at eleven or twelve Nivan claims to have a third shift sometimes that s why he often doesn t get back before seven in the ev
19. e no problem When came back Nivan was sound asleep put the plate and glass down on the floor and plopped down in my spot didn t have the heart to wake him leaned back resting my head on my hand so that could see his face better was close saw his sunken eyes and the exhaustion that painted his face gently stroked his skin With my fingertips carefully pushed his hair off of his face fell asleep next to him Close but not embraced We didn t touch we just lay there next to each other No nightmares plagued us that night We slept a deep peaceful sleep am quite certain that both of us needed it Sleeping next to each other we celebrated the first day of our relationship awoke with a blanket covering me It was unbearably hot Nivan wasn t there Work work looked at the clock on my mobile phone It was ten had slept for 13 hours and felt alright with it had the late shift that day Slowly was trying to sort myself out starting with a shower and a meal was supposed to meet Niv on my way out Oh he said when opened the door while he still rummaged for his keys I m just leaving grimaced and you are returning Niv mimicked my expression I m sorry but can t make everybody happy with that damn schedule he said entering the flat I know get it said dropping my eyes to the floor Firka is coming back today maybe you could buy some beer
20. e cardboard boxes throwing old keyboards and dusty cables aside was leafing through moldy notebooks that were filled with notes And the more time spent there the more the atmosphere of the place crushed me Feeling the urge to leave looked into the last of the boxes found a small notebook which had been devoured by the teeth of passing time The notebook seemed older than the stuff I d been looking at earlier found a diary Blowing the dust off of the cover opened it read the first few words in my mind 30 Dear Moon you swiftly climbed up to the blue heights A poem in a child s handwriting And the owners name Sariel 31 Thousands of stars in the blue skies twinkling They seem to pour new life into nature Every now and again silvery clouds pass by You seem to be the lord of the sleeping nature But why is it your trembling and pale rays Aren t able to dissipate the black of the night s shadows You are the picture of hope in a sad soul It ll wipe a few tears away never drying them completely The Moon by Juliusz Slowacki Winter Sariel Sariel He was pulling on my pajamas wanting to wake me In the darkness the only thing saw were his sparkling eyes Come come quick made something for you He said running amok didn t like it Uncle and auntie had left leaving us with their youngest son who was a Snitch was afraid he would hear us and then tell
21. e if you want to be said hitting him playfully on the arm Marcin Seeing him start to panic let it go Okay I ll go could never let a dinner at your mom s pass me by Leaving the store with bags full of groceries a question struck me Niv but how on earth am supposed to go there with you Seeing Nivan s brows shoot up in triumph and his nasty smile a cold sweat broke out on my back stopped take it back Your mom s dinner might be awesome but value my life much more than that Niv turned to me without breaking his stride It s only mom and grandad And what if your godforsaken brother shows up asked panicking Or even worse your father He always looked at me as if he wanted to kill me Don t worry he looks at me the same way Come on I m hungry started walking again keeping to his left We don t have to tell them we are together you know What are you actually saying Because it s so official you know A family dinner We ve only been together three days for crying out loud You know considering that actually flew to Oslo to get you back wouldn t say it s been three days But Nivan we don t need this said panicking even more The Redhead smiled triumphantly and squinted his green eyes at me Are you telling me you don t want to be in a relationship anymore he asked with that stinking irony of his do but we don t hav
22. e to let the whole world know about it said now standing in front of the block containing our flat put down the bags to take out the keys I know that you still pretend in front of your parents that you have a girlfriend but won t play with mine like that Do you intend to hide us in front of your band as well And what about Firka her too Don t be so caustic Firka is different What about the guys then he asked lifting a brow sarcastically opened the door took the bags and started the climb to the fourth floor What is it that you are actually afraid of heard him ask behind my back These are my parents they won t burn you at the stake And with the guys Are you afraid to lose your free cock status or what stopped looked down at him Breathing heavily from the climb will break it to the boys They know something is brewing anyway after what s been happening of late And when it comes to parents wonder whether you d be so cocky if we had to go to mine Nivan sobered No don t think would be After all am not the busty blonde you talk about he added with a smile Ha ha gave him all the sarcasm had We finally reached the fourth floor Firka opened the door for us Before she could say anything this is what she heard from my lips I m in a relationship with Nivan gave her the grocery bags and squeezed past her noticing her eyes growing big in surprise
23. edhead was stubbornly arguing No Lately you ve only smiled at that nerd guy of yours the one who follows you like a shadow only get a passing hello from you And that s it That s all see of you for the day We exchanged maybe five sentences in total today Don t blow it out of proportion Besides he initiated it Can I ask why he initiated it asked out of curiosity Niv crossed his hands behind his head and closed his eyes He said he just finished a game recommended to him Okay then don t know what you expect of me but don t want to show off our relationship at work Niv said looking at me with one eye He surprised me Not by what he felt but by actually sharing his feelings with me don t want that either But it would be nice if once in a while you would leave that hole of yours to actually talk to me for a bit Or maybe have a coffee or something Have a laugh like with that nerd guy Okay he replied You don t have to avoid me whenever you are afraid of something I m not afraid he responded smiled and bent over his head My brave courageous Nivan said kissing his forehead He rolled his eyes at me of course asked if he wanted something to drink because was parched also offered a sandwich because am a good boyfriend like that I m not all that hungry but you could make me some toast with cheese and a glass of juice with ice Sur
24. ening I can see he s working a lot Don t forget that he used to study alongside his work which was definitely harder for him said taking seat in front of the piano Nivan finished the year she asked while peeling vegetables Honestly felt awful that she asked those things of me and not Niv Yes he did and very well must add don t think he ll have any trouble in getting a full scholarship 27 She smiled to herself delicately Can I asked pointing to the piano My fingers were already playing a tune couldn t hold myself back Of course got it from my grandmother but can only play a few melodies Nivan Going down the stairs heard the piano But these weren t the averagely played melodies my mom knew nor my grandfathers failed attempts entered the living room My mom was watching him caught under a spell Which isn t to say didn t look the same stupid way The world Marcin was creating the trance he was in The speed with which his fingers flew over the keys surprised me Their steadiness knew he practiced for many many years But never saw the result of it stood there rooted to the floor mesmerized by his hands Long fingers skimming over the keys like little spiders Unbelievable He cut the melody short rousing me from the stupor He looked at his hands as if he saw them for the first time He frowned and felt the same thing he did Nostalgia
25. every slide was forgetting that he ever made me feel uncomfortable My dick was rubbing against his stomach and the closeness of Niv s body made me feel really good The red hair was pleasantly tickling my skin with every move felt him with every inch of my body listened to his breathing The pleasure came to me in waves was almost touching my fulfilment it was at the stretch of my hand when Nivan stopped He collapsed onto my body and suddenly felt anxious trying to come to terms with what had just happened Nivan Niv asked And then it dawned on me Niv did you just saw him coming around and didn t need to hear the answer It had been a while since we last fucked and he was tired lately but he could last when we were in Oslo for example Was it the atmosphere of this place The accumulation of all the memories tried not to laugh not to hurt his feelings So was biting down on my lips when he finally lifted his head slightly stupefied Pulling off his condom he said 26 I m getting old Don t laugh Marcin Just don t It s good that we started sleeping together after gaining some experience because otherwise it wouldn t last past one minute replied still trying hard not to laugh You re making fun of me he said looking at me from the corner of his eye No way I m not Seeing my laughing face he started smiling himself He tried not to but failed miser
26. f the bed My family is still sick in the head The only upside was the nice weather Firyal was back from Thailand Her parents are very religious and don t support their daughter s choices in life She was after all born a boy I m sure they thought they had been cursed since Firyal s twin brother Illyas was gay They tried to arrange a marriage for me she continued pouring her heart out while holding a beer on her belly With a girl or a boy laughed Together with Nivan sat comfortably across from Firka on big cushions With a girl what else wanted to say to them don t worry like both pussies and dicks But was scared would have their deaths on my conscience And how s Illyas asked Still dumb as ever He broke up with his partner There was a wedding and supposedly some great love all that s left is two dogs 10 grimaced But before could ask another question Firka stood up and said Okay I m going now I can see Nivan is half dead We can talk tomorrow looked at Niv saw how hard he was trying not to fall asleep But the desire overcame him He roused a bit at Firka s words I am so sorry but I m knackered he said catching her hand when she tried to walk by and pulling her in for a hug have often thought that Niv and Firyal could be siblings They ve always understood each other without words Big kiss Marcin she said waving goodbye And
27. facial muscles Or maybe he smiled because we were now in a real relationship started to imagine how would we walk holding hands sending each other tender looks Yeah Sure We were grinning at each other for a few seconds like the dorks we were probably unaware as to why we did it in the first place Can I he asked not sure he was allowed to enter Sure said making some space moved some bits to the edge of the mattress and pulled a pillow closer Nivan didn t sit but lay down on his side putting his head on the pillow He looked at the screen of my laptop What are you doing he asked furrowing his brows Writing a program What for smiled seeing his genuine curiosity Top secret He gave me a threatening look He still had a ridiculously swollen nose and bruises beneath his eyes It was not bragging by my own doing I am writing a PC user manual for the dumb people at work answered I have a few difficult cases to whom have to explain one thing over and over again and they still don t get it So thought if they do it themselves with the help of an instruction manual they ll be able to remember it more easily The program is going to have remote access so l Il be able to update it anytime Nivan blinked a few times I m sorry but it s not going to work on them he said upsetting me straight away He turned to lie on his back and crossed his hands over his chest And why
28. fair because would like you to sometimes sacrifice yourself in some aspects He was silent and stroked his head gently 23 You are the most important person to me said But that doesn t mean will let you have your way all the time kissed his shoulder again waiting for some kind of response Thank Karma he turned to his back Will you hug me like you used to or is that also too much of a sacrifice he asked in that biting tone of his of course With pleasure laid my head on his chest and wrapped my hands around him smiled because just learned that Nivan likes to be held like this Good night he said Good night was my reply Are you asleep he asked as was drifting away Almost slurred with my cheek glued to his chest I can t sleep here I m about to implode Why Is it uncomfortable asked without cracking my lids Too many memories Everything is coming back to me But we are together now replied only half listening Exactly And would like to make those memories real once again and you won t let me What memories asked lazily Never mind go to sleep he said And honestly would have because felt good and comfortable But wanted to pull the duvet over me a little more as felt a chill on my bare back My hand went to grab the duvet and because it was close to Niv s crotch realized what he was talking about a moment ago
29. from the other shift who was heading home A guy whose name hadn t bothered to remember Fine the guy s name was David He pissed me off because he was the typical nerd type oohing and ahhing over an even bigger nerd whom he called the GURU And that guru of course had to be none other than Nivan David was short pale and skinny Like me He was smarter too And he was a freaking blond knew well that Nivan liked short pale skinny blondes Angrily crumpled a piece of paper in my hand watched how they exchanged some nerdy comments and laughed at each other s silly jokes was crushing them with my eyes couldn t control it It was absurd know But had an advantage knew Nivan better was the one he fucked was the one who became his boyfriend partner or whatever had been that person for exactly five hours now It was me Nivan wanted to be with won the game Yes But somehow was jealous of the stupid relationship they had This no obligation no black sides no secrets relationship was jealous of the smiles Nivan was sending toward this guy wondered then if we would ever be able to create something like that together despite our memories and the wounds we had inflicted upon each other had a lot of questions pounding in my head Why were we staggering into this Wouldn t it be better to start again fresh and clean with someone new Something that would be much easier
30. hadow After two good days everything crushed me again wanted to calm my head by at least sorting out this one case hanging over me And there were a lot of cases like that The fact that Marcin found out didn t make me happy quite the contrary had sick dreams was freaking out Nothing moved forward Sonia has been swallowed by the earth it seemed and still didn t have a clue why we found Marcin s old picture in this place had a feeling missed something here When it felt like was closer to getting answers about Sonia all was turned on it s head and had the impression that once again found myself further away from the answers than was before wasn t kidding myself knew she was capable of things like that But was better than her should have been able to find her a long time ago The fact hadn t meant only one thing someone good had her back Someone freakishly talented It had been a while since I d felt so frustrated so jealous of someone s skills 29 was aware that Sonia was being placed on the back burner Just like the revenge Now it was a race A race between me and that other somebody was sure that my opponent would show his face soon He would want to surprise me show himself in all his glory make my jaw drop knew he wouldn t want to hide behind a woman s back for too long He doesn t want to be anonymous He ll want to show his power his skills He ll
31. hand with the plants he replied Are you nervous asked pretending that the whole situation didn t bother me at all Aren t you A little replied with my best smile Let s go then he said waving his hand toward the front door The door was old the paint was cracking in places remembered it like this they had a doorknocker decorated with a wreath of dried flowers was almost sure that a skinny boy with a black unruly mane would open it for me knocked Do you think your mom will remember me asked not looking at Niv stood in front of him staring intently at the door as if it was my personal Karma that would open at any second don t know the reply was short and felt the tension growing Niv s mom opened the door smiled when saw her Sincerely Those few years since I d seen her last painted some sun wrinkles on her face which added to her beautiful soul She had Niv s eye color but in a lighter frame Hi mom said the Redhead but she was looking at me only and her eyes were twinkling happily Marcin It is the very same Marcin she said stretching her arms out to me It s so good to see you again she was saying and I truly don t know how happened in her embrace She seemed a bit smaller but she smelled just the same Lovely You ve gotten quite handsome sweetie she said still looking me over She smiled radiantly Unfortunately didn t grow as
32. ho wanted the warmth of a female hand just as badly Mothers It seemed that he was the only one not needing anyone in his life He was usually quiet and calm He had no friends never talked to anyone He wasn t liked All however were surprised that he always returned Back and forth All the time He didn t cry when they were walking away He wasn t excited when new ones came to take him He always had the same humble expression And these big sad eyes on the contrary waited for my new family for a very long time wasn t a cute kid didn t have eyes like the ocean but finally a foster home had been found for me It wasn t a nice looking one nor was it big either But was happy to maybe finally have a taste of what normality was about didn t get a new better mom and dad But got an auntie and an uncle And three stepbrothers learned discipline and punishment But felt better there than anywhere else am sure that the size of my eyes equaled his when one day saw him standing at the door of my new home He wasn t a baby anymore he was a boy now like me He was even more beautiful than remembered He was so bright Based on the fact that we knew each other from the orphanage our auntie decided that we would share a room tried to somehow become friends make some contact but to no avail He never answered a question asked He never spoke Not one word Besides the fact
33. id touching my stomach Not that my body is missing anything Nivan gave me a none too gentle onceover would recommend you work on your mass a bit more What You want me to be your size asked although knew the answer Not really I smiled squinting my eyes at him So what s it going to be Will you take me to one of you training sessions If you want to he said pulling on his boxer shorts We quickly skittered to Niv s room Niv s mom decided we should sleep in separate rooms but we didn t like the idea Holy fuck said quietly entering the room Almost nothing s changed here The room was small with laminate flooring There was a window and a desk on the left and a small bed on the right Very humble with little decoration Memories of us in this room hit me with a gale force forgot how small your bed was Me too said Niv looking his room over realized he hadn t been here for quite some time The Redhead made the bed swifty on the other hand rummaged through his CD collection that was collecting dust on a high shelf Games games games some music You played all those asked a bit terrified Some of them were crap so dropped them The others finished Some of them twice And you had time to do anything else didn t sleep much 21 could well imagine that Nivan and his constantly sunken tired eyes had seen it too often left the CD
34. is that heard the ladies from the 10th floor chattering about you They were over the moon about the fact the boss hired such a lovely charming young boy Well yes that s all true but what does it have to do with anything Even if you write that program Nivan cut in they will still call by your desk because they are looking for some entertainment and they want to have a look at such a charming boy I m sure they ogle your ass whenever you turn around think my eyebrows had reached the ceiling by this point They were talking about your scrap metal decorations too Niv continued That you have a bit too much of it But that s the way it is now And despite it all you are still very handsome he added mocking really the nice ladies from the 10th floor couldn t prevent myself from smiling Nivan gave me a stern glower You are becoming arrogantly full of yourself No I m not said still not able to wipe the smile off my face It was disgusting Niv grimaced the way they talked about you Oh and they don t talk about you at all asked playfully pinching his cheek He slapped my hand away They look at me as if killed their kids Maybe that s because whenever you go to see the boss you really do look like you want to kill someone If had to go see those ladies instead of him would be a ray of fucking sunshine too No you wouldn t would too the R
35. lling a hole in a coconut laughed hope you never find yourself on an island with a woman and a coconut already feel bad for that imaginary woman 11 Finally managed to roll a nice joint turned off the light leaving only the table lamp next to the bed switched on sat down next to Niv and gave him the piece of art Well it s not a masterpiece he said looking it over didn t want you to become straight replied All the hard work on my part would go to the shitter Hard work you say he asked playfully raising a brow at me He took a lungfull Of course If not for me we would be in a relationship in like maybe a hundred years or so He let out one circle of smoke then another You wanted it that badly he asked letting the rest of the smoke out Yes Can I ask what did you gain from this relationship didn t understand why but the question hurt It was you you asked me The question of a relationship fell from your lips not mine Hey easy I m not asking because think it didn t give us anything I m just curious why you wanted it so badly he said passing the joint to me as a peace offering know you are skeptic about my being faithful but when I m in a relationship expect my partner to be faithful too So it s about being faithful here wasn t doing it with anybody even when you were in Oslo Well yes but you could have couldn t ex
36. om the answer he d given me 12 You wanted to touch me asked moving closer to him embraced him and rested my chin on his shoulder was approaching a line here with my questioning but couldn t hold back just said that did didn t I You remembered our unfortunate first time there Do you remember anything Any details Glimpses To be honest thought it was a dream The Redhead had wet dreams about me Priceless Have you ever thought about me fapping asked with a smile Niv rolled his eyes at me Come on What it turns me on said taking over the joint when imagine you thinking of me while masturbating I m glad he said sarcastically finished the smoke When I was putting it out in the ashtray he asked me That night did we did we have sex Or was it only you know looked at him We were in one of the unlocked cars And no we didn t have sex as such But we made ourselves feel amazingly good with our mouths and hands We were touching you were touching me as if were your dream Christmas gift I m sorry he said looking in my eyes What for It was awesome even better than that It was the first time in a long while that I d felt so unbelievably carefree and happy was happy that you still wanted to kiss my lips laughed but inside hurt I still do he said So why are you not doing it He answered with a kiss A soft longing one
37. pect you to wait for me replied taking a deep breath of smoke into my lungs wasn t able to do it because wouldn t have felt fair toward you was hellbent on you smiled was quite shocked at how badly didn t want to share Nivan with anybody Especially when he was saying things like that Well it was you who knew not me And besides wanted to be with you since saw you at the uni said looking intently at the ashtray That won t believe said Niv taking the joint Really was disgusted by these thoughts but still had them between the words motherfucker and why does he have such a great ass Niv laughed realized then that it had been a long time since I d seen Nivan s laughing face I was gobsmacked that day when saw you he added after a while was gobsmacked too having Niv talking about our encounter at the uni with such ease What were you thinking asked using the Redhead s eagerness to talk don t know on one hand it was hard to believe you had changed so much and on the other was sure it was you And had the distinct impression I d seen you not that long ago and was looking at Niv s brows knot And then at his lips loved his lips and I was shaken by the thought that had already touched you like wanted to always he said then took a drag on the joint and turned his head away felt his embarrassment fr
38. rack Nivan was already crawling into bed Why is it you always have to sleep next to the wall asked my arms akimbo That s the law of nature he said seriously don t give a rats ass about your law of nature Move over fattie Nivan moved closer to the wall and scooted next to him turned my back to him Good night said pulling the duvet over myself It didn t take long for the situation to get weird on me After years here we were in the same bed together remembered all the not too subtle situations between us that had taken place here felt hot all of a sudden threw the duvet back It s awfully hot in here can I open the window Sure heard from behind my back stood up quickly and opened it Not thinking jumped into the bed facing Nivan The closeness hit me like a sledgehammer The green sparkling eyes in the darkness made me feel like was fifteen all over again But Nivan was different this time He was much bolder more determined It was me back then taking the initiative It was me that came up with the weirdest ideas How had Niv felt about them What was he thinking lying in this bed Oh Karma All of a sudden the Redhead was above me saw in his eyes what he wanted to do to me Oh god of painfully fucked asses please keep me in your good graces thought to myself He was kissing my neck and once again felt the fear paralyzing me Niv tried to stop him
39. rning the conversation on its head All want from you is for you to sometimes put yourself in my situation Position added quickly No Why the fuck not asked thinking bloody murder at him Just because will not be a bloody passive And why is that Because said so don t want it end of Oh god of strength and muscles why were you always so sparse with me Sometimes you behave like a little spoiled brat Niv But as you wish There will be no sex as of today The Redhead s face was threatening a massacre But he said earlier he wouldn t hurt me was holding onto that like a liferaft Okay then there will be no head either he said Oh my that really brings tears to my eyes said sarcastically Why would need a guy who doesn t want to fuck he said in anger Normally such statement would hurt But then knew he was desperate and angry could say the same replied Get off me Nivan lay down turning his back to me wasn t about to give up My unending love for that red headed pile of meat had reached its limits Still didn t want to spoil the day which had otherwise been wonderful A day that I spent pleasantly with said pile of red headed meat clung to his body wrapping my arms around his waist and kissed his tense shoulders Don t be mad Niv whispered I know you always get what you want but too am stubborn and determined just think it s un
40. said was stupid He asked how could believe in something whose existence wasn t able to prove He asked where my angels were when they were taking me from my drugged mother He asked and wasn t able to answer was angry yelled said that he was stupid that he doesn t believe That he too has an angel guarding him He laughed and then took hold of one of the geese So unbelievably deftly He was holding her neck Tightly So unbelievably tightly She was thrashing Beating with her white wings yelled for him to let her go At first was afraid of the punishment awaiting us not the harm that was befalling the goose He took a knife out of his pocket yelled again but he didn t pay any attention watched as He cut off her wings heard her crying heard her cries and her pain stood there Paralyzed Scared And he He threw the wings at my feet Two almost red wings This is what did to my angel Sariel he said stood there Terrified stood Fascinated cried Marcin Nivan when he wanted to could walk almost silently It was most likely connected to his training but still it astounded me Standing at one eighty five with such broad shoulders it was really something But at this moment his footsteps were heavy as if he wanted to be heard heard him from a mile away watched him from behind my white damn boring office box He paused to speak to a guy
41. so we were left alone again watched Nivan s exhausted state resting my head in my hand was hoping for a little action that evening but seeing him like that 1 let him be I m going too Niv Again he awoke Where he asked stupidly To my room You are already sleeping in your seat He was looking at me and knew he wanted to ask a question he could not push past his lips Do you want me to sleep here helped a bit Yes he replied thought it impossible for this neanderthal to be a genius But the thing is don t want to sleep yet said Maybe we could smoke a little something Do you have anything left in your magic box asked standing up do he replied while watching me lazily You roll lie down he added with a bit more life in his voice as he moved over to the bed FII roll you a piece of art you ll be so impressed with that it will make you straight The joke worked because Niv smiled a bit don t think you ll be able to do that thought for a moment What if you were on a deserted island 2 Don t start want to check your level of gayness said mixing the green with tobacco Would you rather make a hole in a coconut or would you make use of soft female buttcheeks Nivan s smile widened My level of gayness is very high Much higher than yours You sure Why do you think so Because I m sure you d fuck those soft cheeks before dri
42. t was connected to the kitchen Marcin stood with mom at the cooker and tried everything with the expression of a happy kid Mom was grinning delighted Nothing had changed Granddad was watching him intently He squeezed my arm and knew what he was trying to say He s changed Me too said smiled bitterly Only he knew exactly how much And how difficult it was for me Back then Well granddad said approaching the kitchen Marcin the notorious candy thief have you come back to return all you once so callously took Mazur laughed From his pocket he produced a full packet of candy not surprising granddad at all realized they must have some candy pact going on Of course I have he said handing the packet over Granddad embraced him lovingly laughing cheerfully at the same time Yet again Marcin stole the hearts of my loved ones The day ended quickly and the night came too soon It had been ages since I d felt so carefree rested and ate as if the world was ending tomorrow felt good at home yet still had a feeling of dread crawling up my back and my head was swimming with thoughts of my father or brother suddenly returning During dinner once again discovered how Marcin swallows all the attention how all eyes are focused on him He was able to talk about everything but he wasn t talking about himself all the time He was able to split his attention between mom and granddad equally
43. tall as wanted to but don t think the rest turned out too badly said smiling You are very handsome indeed She looked to Niv and added Go get your granddad And you she turned to me do you still like my sugar butter cakes absolutely love them said saliva already pooling in my mouth The sugar butter cakes by Niv s mom were spectacular Come on then gave Niv a triumphant smile following his mom From the corner of my eye saw Niv s granddad approaching the gate Nivan see Marcin has already been abducted eh Hi yourself greeted my granddad taking my biker boots off Mom fell in love with him all over again And was left on my own again Don t be so jealous you should be glad When you tell her that she is going to have another son don t think she will be all that worried Son grimaced Are you planning on telling your mother You didn t do that already asked entering the front room Me he expressed surprise I think it s your business not mine Your mother was the only one who accepted your preferences without complaint so don t worry about a thing The fact told her is one thing to show her is a totally different one was hit across the back with the walking stick as per usual whenever did or said something stupid You re a fool he said A mother is a mother she knows more than she lets on We entered the living room tha
44. that suspected mom knew about us after all But then reminded myself that sleepovers were the norm so didn t think much about it went back to Marcin Skipping on the stepping stones that made the path We are staying the night announced He grimaced Who came up with that you or your mom Why would she call me over didn t like stupid questions need to be in the studio tomorrow we have our first rehearsals PII drive you Okay let s stay then We were sitting like that in silence for quite a while looking at the moon reflected in the pond s small surface felt like nothing had changed Or as if time had been turned back And l l grew up just like that sitting on that bench next to Marcin Nothing that happened between then and now was as important as this moment 20 Marcin Are you working tomorrow asked brushing my teeth And you Aw you wafkin tomowow he asked mocking me Luckily no looked at his reflection in the mirror was absorbing the sight of Niv s wet body which he was drying with a towel You lost some weight didn t you asked still brushing my teeth standing in the bath of his parents house Yesh losht some he said the dork spat the froth out and turned around to soak in the sight of Nivan s body Maybe you could take me to one of your training sessions because think gained some could swap it for a six pack sa
45. that he wasn t talking to anyone he never caused trouble He ate what he was given he always made his bed he cleaned the house and kept the fire going in the stove Sometimes he disappeared for a while but always came back before supper When I watched his back waiting in hope to see his wings still believing that he was an angel we had a breakthrough myself still don t know why I said to him God must have run out of colors when He made you That was the first time he concentrated his attention on me froze He looked me up and down with disdain and then for the first time heard his voice There is no God Just like there are no angels He looked at me as if were the dumbest creature on earth And wondered how he knew about my angels After quite some time realized that talk in my sleep and thrash about in my bed dream about him It just happened We became friends Despite many differences and the short time we spent in the orphanage together we became close We were like the angel and the devil But in appearance only on the surface My beautiful angel had the wings of a demon We were standing in the yard feeding chickens and geese He was raining questions down upon me Undermining my faith was a faithful believer at that time recited my prayers before bed always attended the Sunday mass It was the only thing that had left The only certainty in my life He was laughing at me He
46. y instantly back on top of me kissing my chest You can move to the lower parts straight away said smiling like a fox Seeing his expression added 25 don t need much foreplay you can lick me twice and l Il be ready didn t mention that it was only him who had that effect on me I m not that easy But kept it to myself for another occasion You are horrible today he said gruffly sliding lower smiled crossing hands behind my head You are on my terms now so you have to oh Yes definitely Nivan was a master at making me feel good His tongue and fingers worked magic He knew where to touch where to lick to make me feel relaxed was biting my lips hard trying not to moan out loud afraid of someone overhearing us knew Nivan found his own satisfaction in it He was getting hotter by the minute with every move made with every stifled moan escaping my tightly squeezed lips was grabbing at his hair scratching his shoulder wanted him to know how good he made me feel and didn t want him to stop But of course he had to do it was almost there hot and desperate to reach the climax and that s when he entered me At first wanted to bite his ear because only a moment ago felt so good and he spoiled everything dug my fingernails in his back and gritted my teeth hate you whispered in his ear and bit down on his lobe He started to move his hips slowly and with
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